Remembering

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Hello Peeps!

I don’t suppose that expression is in vogue any longer, or that last one for that matter, but I am terribly inept at keeping up with such things, and I suppose, rather tragically unhip.  It’s okay.  I am also feeling summer slip through my fingers, along with keeping up with the blog.  We’ve had so many activities in our normally quiet life that I am having a hard time balancing anything.  Today, however, I am making a little extra effort, one that you can capitalize on, too.  Believe me when I tell you that this recipe can change lives and elevate dinner parties to great heights.  I can’t tell you how many people swoon over this.  The best part?  Two ingredients!  Three if you need salt.  No kidding!

Greg and I first had this mighty fine sauce at Juanita’s Uptown (sadly it disappeared years ago) in Denver with our super fun and rather cosmopolitan friends the Dews.  They lived in an apartment straight out of Dynasty, complete with an elevator.  The fun part (aside from their ebullient personalities and crazy personal histories) was the consternation on the part of the elevator operator when Susie hollered, “Beam them up Scotty!”

Anyway, the sauce came as an accompaniment to steamed mussels, which I love.  But it tasted so totally yummy that had I not been on good behavior (despite one of Bill’s stellar and killer margaritas in my belly) in the company of friends and strangers, I could have forgone the mussels and warm tortillas, eaten the sauce with a spoon, and licked the bowl.  I kid you not.

I tried for ages to replicate the magic concoction with dried chipotles, cheese, flour, and just about everything else I could think of.  Then I was lucky enough to have one of the waitresses in a Geography class (hello college days) and she divulged the not so secret ingredients.  Chipotles in adobo sauce and whipping cream.  Seriously?  After all my hard work?  That was it?  Yup.

Whipping Cream

Chipotle Chiles in Adobo Sauce (available in the Latin section of the market)

In a small saucepan, add some cream.  You decide how much – I use anywhere from 1/2 cup to 1 1/2 cups, depending on how many people will be eating it.   Add a little bit of the chipotles (I blend the entire contents of a can, as it is usually whole chiles, in a food processor until fairly smooth and store in a jar in the refrigerator), stir, and taste.  Add more if the flavor seems too creamy or you want more spice.  It’s really up to you.  Heat the sauce over medium until bubbly.  Allow it to reduce until thick.  Pour it over whatever strikes your fancy – chicken, pork, beef, mussels, enchiladas, a firm white fish, or a bowl full of beans.  You could also stand next to the stove, grab a stack of tortillas, dip them in the pan, and go to town.  It’s all good.

Enjoy!

I’ve been thinking all morning about the past year, the 365 days since I had my hysterectomy.  So much of what I feel is a jumble, of memories, and emotions, and wonder.  Did all of that pain and suffering really happen, and to me?  Despite the fact that I have four scars to prove it, it is hard to fathom that I ever was different from the woman I am now, one glorious year later.

For right now, all I feel is gratitude and a deep in my bones feeling that all is right, utterly and perfectly so, with the world.  Part of it is the physical progress I’ve made over the past year.  I feel so much better.  I am not in constant pain.  I’m on a very minimal dose of hormones (soon to be none, I think), and I’ve lost the weight I gained on the awful ones.  I no longer need to take iron to cope with the massive surgical blood loss, not to mention the huge deficit every time my period came calling.  I am a healthy woman, inside and out.

Most importantly, I feel an immense sense of gratitude for the ways I took care of myself by letting go.  I let go of the notion that my pain was okay, that it wasn’t interfering with my life.  Sure, I had innumerable ways of coping, of managing, but, looking back, I can’t honestly say that I was truly living.  To be even more honest, I didn’t believe I deserved to experience that other life – the one where I was a good and valuable person, one who didn’t need to suffer.  What a difference a year makes!  Now I know, and in this moment, the only moment that I have, feel truly deserving of a joyous post surgical life.

In this life, I don’t have to fix myself to be a success.  I can ask for the help of doctors, nurses, and the people I love.  In this life, I am not ashamed of what I cannot do and very proud of what I can (Write! Bake! Garden!).  I matter.  I am important. I am worthy of all that is good, great, and spectacular!  So are we all.  Thanks for being part of my journey.

Happy Birthday Buddy!  I love you!

I know that your heart lies shattered,

Pieces strewn about the floor,

Waiting for your attention,

Waiting for your care.

Until that time arrives,

Until you have shed the tears still welling within you,

Tears for your brother and and the delicately fierce bonds of family,

Know that you are not alone.

The small hands you’ve enveloped in joy,

The eyes that have gazed upon you in admiration and wonder,

The ears that have heard your laugh and been made better by it,

The hearts touched by your caring,

Are collective souls hoping to buoy your spirit in this time of mourning

And return in small part what you have given so freely.

When I was in high school and college, I worked at an Italian family restaurant.  It was very homey, decorated for every holiday, and served really good food.  It was red sauce galore, pizza, great steaks, pepperoni on the salad, and one of the best sandwiches in the world – The Sausage Special.  Made on garlic bread with green chiles and just a touch of that sauce,  it made me ever so happy.  Whenever I visit my parents, a visit must be made to indulge.

It was the eighties, and there was lots of drama at the restaurant, not to mention make-up, big hair, big clothes, and personalities to match, save one.  The sister of the owner, Aunt Liz, was a hostess on one of the shifts I worked.  I loved her.  She was soft spoken and kind, beautiful without a stitch of make up, had great style, close cropped hair, and made this awesome strawberry cake.  She brought it in a 13×9 pan with a metal lid that slid across the top, like the lip gloss that I loved.  To be honest, the cake could have been pretty average, and I may still have liked it, just for the sake of the container.  I am that kind of person.  But, it wasn’t just the tin, the cake was gorgeous and delicious.  So strawberry!  So summer!

I got the recipe from her but never made it, but it has been on my mind lately.  The memories of it have been clearer.  So yesterday, when I got an awesome deal on organic strawberries (three pounds for two dollars!) I made these cupcakes in homage to her.  They aren’t Aunt Liz’s recipe – hers were the frozen in syrup kind – but boy oh boy are they delicious and cute as a button.  We shared them with the neighbors, but mum’s the word if you want to eat them all yourself.  You just might.

Adapted from 1 Mix, 100 Muffins, by Susanna Tee

Strawberry Cupcakes

1 cup flour

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/8 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 cup milk

6 tablespoons sunflower or other mild oil

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup strawberries, hulled

Preheat the oven to 400.  Grease or line a 12 cup muffin pan.  Sift the flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt, in a large bowl.  Puree the eggs, milk, oil, vanilla, and strawberries (I used a large measuring cup and my trusty hand blender).  Pour over the dry ingredients, and stir gently until just combined.  Do not overmix.

Spoon the batter into the prepared pan.  Bake for about 20 minutes, or until well risen, golden brown, and firm to the touch.  Allow to cool for five minutes in the pan before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

Strawberry Frosting

1/4 cup strawberries, hulled

4 tablespoons butter, slightly softened

1/4 cup shortening

pinch salt

1 1/2 – 2 cups powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

Puree the strawberries (again, the hand blender in a measuring cup – or mash with a fork), set aside.  Beat together the butter, shortening, and salt, until light and fluffy.  Reduce mixer speed and slowly add 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar, beat until combined.  Add the strawberry puree and mix just until blended.  You may need the extra 1/2 cup of powdered sugar here, if the frosting is too wet.

Frost your cooled cupcakes and top with strawberry halves, if you like.

Enjoy!

Two bits of deliciousness for you this morning, pizza and cake.  I read an article on pizza in one of the fancy food magazines.  It was rather long and somewhat interesting and highlighted a small town back east that has two very famous pizza joints that have been there a terribly long time.  I guess there is quite an either/or dichotomy going on.  You aren’t, apparently, allowed to like the pizza at both places.  I have to say that I abhor (strong word, I know) rules like this.  I don’t like being told whether or not I should have certain feelings.  This is not up to other people.  It is up to me.  Anyway, as I was reading, I had this rather cinematic a-ha moment.  She and Him was playing in the background and I swear Zooey Deschanel hit a high note when I read this sentence: Let the pizza dough rise for twenty-four hours.

I don’t know how many of you make your own thin crust pizza and wondered why it just isn’t as good as those places in the article, or for the hubster and I, Lombardi’s in Manhattan, and Grimaldi’s at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge.  I am savvy in the kitchen, but ever since taking a bite of that gooey, chewy deliciousness on an idyllic summer day, I was pretty stumped.  The crust never tasted as good as theirs, never had that wonderful texture.  Then that sentence jumped off the page, and I had it.  The secret wasn’t in the yeast or the flour or the water.  It was all about time.  Give it time. So, the day before you want your pizza, make your favorite dough.  Punch it down the next morning and let it rise again, until the oven is smoking hot (we put ours at 500) and your ingredients are ready.  Then wait for the magic moment when you slide that bad boy out of the oven and you take your first bite.  Heaven.

Though we didn’t follow our pizza with dessert – we were too full of cheese for that, I am following my thoughts on it with this delicious upside down cake.  There is a restaurant in town, which shall remain nameless, that actually has the gall to put instant butterscotch pudding as the brown sugar and butter layer.  Words cannot describe the horror of my first bite.  This is not cake; it is a travesty.  This recipe is the real deal, and, to be honest, it is probably easier and cheaper than buying that instant stuff, seriously.  You can make it with pineapple, peaches, apricots, nectarines, plums, or apples.  It’s really hard to go wrong.

Fruity Upside Down Cake

adapted from the Better Homes and Gardens Cook Book, 75th Anniversary Edition

2 tablespoons butter

1/3 cup brown sugar

1 tablespoon water

Enough fruit to cover the bottom of the pan – I used two sliced nectarines and three maraschino cherries

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1/2 cup all purpose flour

1/3 cup sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

2/3 cup milk

1/4 cup butter, grated with the small holes of a cheese grater

1 egg, beaten

1 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat oven to 350.  Melt two tablespoons of butter and 1/3 cup brown sugar in a small saucepan.  Add the water and stir until combined.  Pour into an ungreased 8″ square pan. Carefully arrange your fruit in a pretty pattern over the syrup.

In a medium mixing bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, and baking powder.  Add the milk, butter, egg, and vanilla.  Stir until combined.  Spoon the batter over the fruit in the prepared pan.

Bake for 30-35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.  Cool for five minutes.  Run a knife around the edge of the pan to loosen, and invert onto a plate.  This is best served warm.

Enjoy!

p.s.

When I called the hubster down to have some cake, he said, “Wow!  That’s pretty.  Did you take a picture?”  This coming from the guy who likes to tease, “Um can I eat, or do I have to wait for the camera?”

My mind is mushy, and I have been glued to my seat for nearly two hours trying to write a post.  I’ve deleted a lot of sentences and looked at a lot of pictures.  I kept coming back to this one.  I love that smile.  It is so alive and full of content, a pleasure every time I see it.  It reminded me of the times I was happiest to see it, like our wedding day, and when I woke up from my surgery last year.  I was groggy, and a doctor was asking me my name and if I was okay, and then Greg’s face appeared and I felt such a rush of love.  He was there and smiling at me, too!

I then remembered another occasion, long ago.  We were midway through our honeymoon, a two month backpacking adventure across Europe.  We decided to take a vacation within our vacation in Nice, as spending a couple of nights in a city before moving on was wearing on us, so we found a neat hotel that had a full kitchen where we could make our own food, enjoy cold beverages from an actual refrigerator, eat bowls of cereal, and loll about on the beach.  It was grand.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t quite enough.  We found that we not only needed a vacation from our vacation but one from each other as well.  So we made plans to spend the next day apart.  Gregory wanted to find a book to read, and I was keen on doing a little shopping and wandering the streets on my own.  It started out marvelously, for it was June, and the weather lovely, and Nice is a very walkable city.  I was strolling and enjoying the sights when, rather unfortunately, I encountered a man who perhaps took my street walking a bit too literally?  He decided he would walk with me, despite my sincere protests to the contrary.  I was not at all happy with this arrangement, but this guy would not leave me alone.  Thankfully, his shoe came untied, and as he stopped to fix it, I made a break for it.  I don’t think I’ve ever moved as swiftly as I did then.  When I looked back and realized I was free of his company, I was so elated!  But the exhilaration of losing him didn’t last long, as I fretted that I would see him again, and I returned to the hotel, slightly defeated.

Upon entering the room, I saw the hubster lying on the bed, his magical smile looking back at me, and all was right with the world!  As it turns out, his day was less than ideal, as well.  He tried to buy a book, but it wouldn’t ring up correctly, and the women at the store asked him questions, to which he could give no reply, for his interpreter (moi) was not with him, and the only sentence he knew was of ill use.  “I don’t speak French, but my wife does.”

It was a great reminder of how wonderful it is to be together, and so we have stayed.

The hubster and I went on a bit of an MP3 bender this past weekend, buying a wide range of songs, including the awesome “Empire State of Mind” with Jay-Z and Alicia Keys.  That tune really gets me going, so full of hope, possibility, and power!  It got a lot of play around the house, though not nearly as much as this bunch.  America – the ultimate seventies band.  We’ve had “A Horse With No Name” for a while, but yearned for some of their other greats, so here’s the new play list:

“Ventura Highway”

“Tin Man”

“Sister Golden Hair”

“Riverside”

“Sandman”

“A Horse With No Name”

This music has always possessed a certain magical quality for me.  It is as if, through the listening, I see the world through a slightly blurry Super 8.  It is a warm summer day, and I am ageless and dancing, arms extended, with the sun in my eyes.  The colors are washed out and my hair, wild and twirling, is like laughter and abundant joy.

Have a fantastic weekend!

Hello Neighbors.

Ahh, Fred Rogers.  I once won a scoop of ice cream for knowing his first name.  I think I chose cinnamon.  Another time, at the same scoop shop, I knew that “Video Killed the Radio Star” was the first song played on MTV.  See Darin, trivia can serve a very special purpose, beyond board games.  Though, of course,  the name of the ice cream shop escapes me.  It was on 15th and Market in Denver.  Anyone else remember?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Anyway, my fondness for the man goes beyond the fact that he helped me score delicious ice cream.  I wish I could pinpoint exactly what it is about him.  His sweaters were pretty terrific, all knitted by his mother, by the way.  One is even hanging in the Smithsonian.  I made a special trip to see it when I was there and was surprised by it’s size.  It’s funny, most people I have heard are surprised by how petite famous people are in person (We saw Kelly Ripa in New York, and she was tiny), but I had the opposite reaction.  For such a soft spoken man, his sweater seemed huge.  Which, I suppose, is appropriate, considering the impact he’s had on the lives of so many, including me.

Perhaps, it is the fact that he truly believed in children, and adults, too.  He loved people, kindness, music, and the joy of discovery (did you ever see him tour a factory?).  He was never embarrassed either, willingly admitting when he didn’t know or understand something.  A model citizen in blue sneakers.

p.s. The story floating around the interwebs about him being a war hero aren’t true, nor are the tattoos.  Though wouldn’t it be cool if he had one of a zip-up cardigan?!

Have I ever told you about how the hubster and I share a preternatural ability for wanting the same thing at the very same time?  And not just once in a blue moon, either.  It is a rather regular occurrence and doesn’t stem from nineteen years of being a couple – it’s happened all along.  The most memorable and thrilling example occurred rather early in our relationship.  We’d been dating for a few months, and I knew, deep in my heart of hearts, that this man was IT, I-T, IT, so, as we were lying in bed one morning, I asked him to marry me.  Never one to lose his temper, and much to my surprise, he slammed his fist on the bedside table and said, “I was just going to ask YOU!”  We laughed, kissed, and hugged, and knew we were off to a great start.  The same goes for moving to Oregon.  I got it in my mind that we should leave Colorado.  Lo and behold, on the very afternoon I decided to tell the hubster, he came into our apartment and said, “I think we should move.”  Magic.

So, it should come as no surprise that we were both itching to go for a drive in the country this past weekend, to do a little something different, decide to eat at one restaurant, hear about another equally enticing one and (without mentioning a word so as not to disappoint the other) want to eat at said establishment rather than the first, only to discover that the first restaurant was closed for a private party, and we both got what we wanted again (insert giggles and smiles here).  Life really is grand, especially when you are on the same wavelength.

McMinnville, our delightful destination, is a neat town or maybe city?  It has a population of 32,762 (I am trusting the sign and my memory of it are both correct), with some great architecture and restaurants.  Being in Oregon wine country, there are lots and lots of places in town to sample the delicious fruits of their labor.  As serendipity would have it, we just so happened to be there on the monthly art walk and wine tasting, buying a bottle of Coelho Pinot Noir and some blackberry honey, too.

A clever and beautiful arrangement of flowers.

I think he liked it.

La Rambla – Tapas for dinner.

Our beautiful dining partner.

I prefer his company.

Time to go!

There’s been a lot of dying happening in the world lately, earth quake victims in Haiti, avalanche victims in Afghanistan, and on a more personal level, a dear, sweet neighbor and a kindly mother-in-law (my cousin Allie’s).  When someone dies, particularly someone I have known personally, it always creates a flood of memories of  other endings, not necessarily passings into the great hereafter, but of broken friendships and hearts, dreams and hopes dashed, too.

In the past, I would suffer these rushes of memory like one would an awful interloper, with little degree of kindness or patience.  I do not want to feel melancholy, for it is not the desired state, happiness, always happiness!  However, now, I have come to a new place about grief and memory, or any feeling really.  It arises naturally and will pass, too.  There is no need to fret and even a possibility of enjoyment.

Like thinking of the first person I remember dying, my Great Grandpa Briggs.  He was a silent one, so much so that I scarcely have a memory of him speaking, but I do remember his mischievous smile, his cigar smoking, and the fact that he walked me to the Western Motor Lodge near his home to buy me candy.  Or my Great Aunt Mary, there’s so much I remember about her: a kind voice, boundless generosity, the deepest faith I have ever known, mad crochet skills, the papery softness of her hands, and her beautiful penmanship.  Though I feel a little misty thinking about the two of them, these memories are small gifts of their continued presence in my life.

With all of this in mind, I crafted a playlist, one perfectly suited for honoring my time with grief, like curiously watching a stream from on high, the ebb, flow, and rush.  It is long, but not overly so, with a bit of sunshine at the end.

Nico – “These Days”

Neil Young – “The Old Laughing Lady”

My Morning Jacket – “Knot Comes Loose”

U2 – “Scarlet”

Sting – “Fragile”

Sinead O’Connor – “I am Stretched on Your Grave”

The Rolling Stones – “As Tears Go By”

Philip Aaberg – “Cinema Paradiso”

Peter Gabriel – “I Grieve”

Nina Simone – “I Loves You, Porgy”

Willie Nelson – “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain”

Feist – “The Limit to Your Love”

Eurythmics – “This City Never Sleeps”

Elvis – “Love Me Tender”

Elton John – “Goodbye”

The Dream Academy – “Life in a Northern Town”

Crosby, Stills, and Nash – “Helplessly Hoping”

The Counting Crows – “Sullivan Street”

Coldplay – “Sparks”

Bombay Dub Orchestra – “Sonata”

Bob Dylan – “Tomorrow is a Long Time”

Bjork – “Come to Me”

Bill Withers – “Ain’t No Sunshine”

The Beatles – “Blackbird”

Amy Winehouse – “Love is a Losing Game”

Tom Waits – “San Diego Serenade”

Tori Amos – “China”

Genesis – “It’s Gonna Get Better”

Shawn Colvin – “Ricochet in Time”

The Talking Heads – “This Must Be the Place”

The Who – “Love Reign O’er Me”

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