Big and Small

Hi everyone -

A few happy items to start: it is the summer solstice!  The peonies are still blooming!  It is actually warm outside!  Happy, happy, happy Tuesday.

So this morning I was outside reading, as per my routine, and Pema (gosh, I know, I’m writing {and talking} about her a lot, but that’s just where I am right now, so feel free to come back later) was talking about this experience she had where a group of people vacillated between treating her as no big deal and a very big deal.  It became painful for her because just as she was settled into a groove of feeling one way or the other, it would change.  Finally, she spoke her frustrations aloud and was told, “You have to learn to be big and small at the same time.”  I kind of took it in and thought, “Oh that’s very wise,” but didn’t really digest it. The birds were chirping and Milo was on my lap, and my attention wandered to the peonies, and what else I had yet to do, and the gorgeous quality of light.

Then I was raking up some debris out front and this Mortimer (Pema’s name for an “enemy”) that’s acted pretty hateful toward me for some time came along and said, “Good morning Colleen!”  It was in a nice voice, too, not at all like the Jerry and Newman exchange, that I’m barely tolerating you mister, so keep your distance kind of tone.  I said hello back, a bit shocked and confused, and continued my raking.  Then Mortimer started talking again, complimenting my yard and garden and expressing distaste at the fact that it is supposed to be eighty degrees today.  We chatted, very friendly, before parting with a good day salutation and me feeling a little weak in the knees at the conversation.  What just happened?  I thought Mortimer hated me!

Suddenly my mind went back to my reading.  I knew exactly what Pema was talking about.  Those times when Mortimer acts like a best pal.  Those times when a good friend is a total bitch.  Those times when someone who is normally chatty and boisterous crosses the street to avoid conversation.  Those crap-shoot moody people – nice one time, mean the next.

Holy smokes!  This is what it means to be big and small at the same time, to be open, to breathe in whatever is offered, and breathe it out just the same.  I can do this!  Well, at least today, at this moment, because that’s all I’ve got.

3 comments

  1. Lori’s avatar

    I agree, hard to believe. But then I have a few at work and I think I’m generally pretty nice… :)

  2. Mom’s avatar

    Mortimer… how interesting to call it that, but addressing it with a name is a good idea. And yes, it is hard to believe you have a Mortimer! Pema is very wise.

  3. amber’s avatar

    You have a Mortimer? I never would have guessed!

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