Practicing

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So, I’ve got quite the hodgepodge for you today.  First off, isn’t this a gorgeous sky?  It was like the heavens couldn’t make up their mind, sweet, soft, and ethereal pink or menacing grey.  A bit like me, sometimes I just can’t decide.

Take, for instance, my sugar addiction.  One moment I am not at all interested in eating one more bite of it, and I get a little haughty, feeling, “Oh, I’ve really licked it this time!”  Then, I drive by Pix, pull over the car and eat half of a St. Honore before I am dumbstruck by what is happening.  Shoot!  As for this very moment, I am feeling, more than anything else, like I need to let the obsession go.  I am a pretty healthy person, all things considered, knocking on wood, etcetera, etcetera.  Why fret about it?  My cravings ebb and flow, like a river or the sea, just let it be.

Speaking of being and the flow of the sea, today my yoga practice involved a new, and rather exciting video (at least to me – it’s been out for a while) Shiva Rea: Yoga Trance Dance.  I’m pretty sure I have mentioned that I LOVE to dance, in a crazy, unscripted, primal, and occasionally, um, nutty, kind of way, really taking the rhythms to another plane, both physically and mentally (quite unlike my graceful ballerina friend Mara).  Thankfully, this DVD fully embraces these qualities, really engaging the practitioner in a dynamic and energizing flow, riding the waves of grace, energy, and movement.  I highly recommend it.

Now, a bit more of the sea, in a shopping and decorating note.  How about this painting gracing our bedroom?  There used to be a poster of an old map of Paris, but we had grown tired of it, and then I got, in a semi-paranoid state, to thinking that if the big earthquake comes while we are in bed and knocks it off the wall, we’re goners.  So, the other day at the Goodwill Bins, I found this.  It is an original oil painting by H. Walker.  I know nothing of this person, but bless his or her heart, the sea is right, and I got a bargain that will not kill me, my precious spouse, or cats, all for $20, including the frame.  Not bad, not bad at all my precious peeps.  Now if I could center the bed under the painting, my anal-retentive self would be super happy.  One thing at a time…

Finally, the last of the summer tomatoes.  We’ve had quite the season around here – I canned nine pints, made a big batch of Spicy Tomato Chutney (Zowie – I posted this recipe one year ago TODAY!), and eaten and eaten to my heart’s content.  These are the Sungold cherry variety from our rather prolific vines.  I sliced them, sprayed them with olive oil (using our refillable pump – love this gadget), followed by a sprinkle of salt, and two hours at 200 degrees in the oven.  With my instructions, because I didn’t want to stop watching the news and get off the couch (sometimes I refuse to budge), the hubster made this pasta dish.  Easy, delicious.   Why don’t you try it?  This serves two and is yummy!

Pasta (we used brown rice fettuccine, as we avoid wheat when we can)

1 handful pine nuts

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 tablespoon butter

3-4 fresh sage leaves, sliced fine, as in a chiffonade

1 handful raisins

1 large handful of sun or oven dried tomatoes

salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes, to taste

While your pasta is cooking, toast the pine nuts in a dry skillet until light brown, shaking the pan to evenly brown.  Set aside.  Add butter and olive oil to pan, bring to a slow bubble, add the sage and raisins, cooking until the raisins puff a little, add the tomatoes and gently stir, just until warmed through.  Once your pasta is finished, toss everything together.  Season with salt, fresh ground pepper, and red pepper flakes.

If you have some green tomatoes left in the garden, fry them up!  We sliced ours to about 1/4″, dipped them in Ener-G egg replacer (regular egg will do), dredged them in brown rice flour (more crunch, but wheat will do), corn meal, salt, and pepper, and fried in enough sunflower oil to cover the bottom of the skillet.  Fry until golden on each side and voila, yummy (I can’t find the photo, sorry).

What a day!  Enjoy yours.

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The pen is mightier than the sword, so they say.  But that mightiness, when one thinks about it, has very little to do with the pen.  Words are the real source of the power.  Though many of them look rather pedestrian, when brought together with skill, they can topple even the most worthy opponent, win the heart of a beloved, or make a Madeleine jump off the page and into the mouth of the reader.

Think of the first potent word most of us learn, two simple letters, placed side by side.  N-O.  No.  A small utterance.  It doesn’t look like much, but it speaks volumes.   We hear it and are brought to attention.

Another powerful word discovered early in life is mine.  Though we are tiny when we come to know it, it gives us our first taste of wealth and power.  This teddy bear is mine.  Those blocks?  Mine! These dolls?  All mine, mine, mine! So exciting!

Until recently, I had thought I’d reached a sort of plateau with words.  Even when I learned a new one (coming soon – to this very post!), the excitement wore off rather quickly.  Ho hum, yes, another word.  I’ll put it in the files, find a good use for it, and be off on my merry way.

Well, gentle readers, imagine my surprise when I started using an old and somewhat faded word to dizzying effects, lightening the burden of some very cumbersome thoughts.  Sound the trumpets because here it comes!

** Sometimes **

Sometimes?  Really?  Yes, really.  Look:

I abhor the solipsistic (the new, dollar word) nature of my blog – sometimes.

I am terribly lazy – sometimes.

The world is an awful place – sometimes.

Election coverage is so annoying – sometimes.

I am so negative – sometimes.

Ahhh, it just feels better, doesn’t it?  Thanks to my not-so-new, favorite, dime-store word, I am turning frowns upside down, am less quick to anger and frustration, and generally happier – most of the time.  Try it, and see if it doesn’t work for you, too.

Ahh, the Little Man.  A few weeks ago, he hurt his right back hip pretty badly.  Who knows how, he gets into all sorts of mischief.  Anyway, the cutie was gimping around the house, a source of mirth, wonder, and sadness.  Why?  Well, sometimes, he would be in so much pain that he thought something else was causing it (a ghost maybe – we need Ghostbusters!), and, in his mind, thought that if he hissed at the offender that the pain would go away.  Sadly, it didn’t.

So we decided that a little indoor R & R was just what he needed to heal his wound.  The problem was that after a couple of days, he really wanted to go outside, pleading at the back door, scratching at the glass, or otherwise laying in prostrations that made it easy for him to trip us and exit.  So, thinking, golly, if he wants to go out this badly, he can’t be in that much pain, we let him go.

We were wrong.  The gimp got worse and he hissed at the invisible entity more and more.  Lesson learned.  He could not go outside, no matter how much he pleaded or tried to trip us on the way out the door.  It took ten agonizing days of him meowing his little heart out, and me cuddling him as I left, giving him variations on these words of encouragement:

“Your body is healing Little Man.  You’ve got to stay inside until you quit hissing at yourself.”

“I know this feels like punishment Doodie, but Mama loves you and wants you to get better, so no matter how much you meow, you cannot go outside.”

“A few more days of inside time and you’ll be right as rain my sweet boy.”

The funny thing was, as this cat healing was going on, I was going through my own struggle with my cleanse.  Boy did I want some sugar!  Gimme! Gimme!  So I made some rice pudding with coconut milk and added sorghum and brown rice syrups to sweeten it because this wasn’t cheating.  It wasn’t cane sugar.

You bet I ate that pudding up, gobble, gobble, gobble, and, like Milo being let out too soon, I got sick.  I felt like the guy in the Alka-Seltzer commercial, “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.”  My tummy went topsy-turvy and I wished and I wished that I hadn’t eaten it.

Then I looked at Milo, curled up at my feet, and realized that it was like the first time I let him out.  Message received.  So, not surprisingly, I’m talking to myself now:

“Your body is healing, Colleen.  You can’t have those sweets until you are all better.  Even then, just a little.”

“I know this feels like punishment sometimes, but I want to feel better, so now matter how much I want a sweet, I cannot have one.”

“In four more weeks, you’ll be right as rain.  Then you can have a little sugar.”

I guess it is just one of those times of grace.  The Little Man got hurt so he could teach me about my own healing.  Thanks, Boo, Mama loves you, too.

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Way back in January, I participated in Superhero Journal’s Mondo Beyondo, a way to release 2007 and set some positive intentions for 2008.

I had completely forgotten about (or so I thought) until I saw Andrea’s post about it on August 18th.  I jotted down a little note to revisit my intentions.  When I finally got around to checking the file on my lap-top, I was both pleased and surprised, as this is what I wrote:

This is the year of the novel, positivity, radiant health, and well being!!

Without really thinking about it, I have done just that.  I finished my novel back in March, done several revisions, and have submitted it to two publishers.  One rejected me, the other, who knows?  It is too soon to tell.

Positivity – I am seeking it out in myself and others more and more often.  When a negative thought arises, I make a mental note and turn it around.  I also find myself seeing positive aspects in formerly negative situations.  It feels wonderful to have a new perspective.

Radiant health and well being – Though I was pretty fit in January, I have had several nagging health issues for the past eight years.  I took charge by commencing an anti-inflammation diet/cleanse three weeks ago.  I’ve got five more to go, and then plan on making only a few modifications.  This is a change for life.  It is challenging at times, but I know the benefits will outweigh any discomfort that I feel now.  Besides, this is about really being healthy and treating my body like a temple.  Why should eating food that makes me sick be more comfortable than true love and nourishment? 

To add on to that, I have also declared to exercise for at least forty minutes, six days a week.  This part has been so much fun (there’s the positivity again).  I had an injury that kept me from my usual yoga and rowing practices for a while, so I had to find some replacements.  I chose a Nia class at my local community center twice a week – oh my goodness, awesome – and, thanks to a tip from my friend Sarah, the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  Both have me moving in ways I don’t normally and seeing my body in a new light.  What’s more, I now have more variety in my exercise routine – Nia, yoga, rowing, Jillian, walking, biking, all GOOD!

I think of myself like the Clerodendrum above.  There are a few flowers open and smelling wonderfully fragrant.  The rest are patiently receiving nourishment from the sun and rain, waiting for the right moment before blossoming into their full glory.

Something amazing happened to me the other day, mind blowing, wonderful kind of amazing.  I was finishing my yoga practice with a meditation before shavasana, something I don’t normally incorporate for reasons of time and laziness.

Anyway, as I was sitting there, listening to Shiva’s kind voice, I felt my body moving, only I didn’t feel like I was the one doing it.  It was just happening, smooth and effortless, a birch branch slowly oscillating in the breeze.   As I continued to move, I had this sensation of fullness, effervescence.  I could no longer tell where my body ended and the rest of the universe began.  In my closed eyes, I could see and feel billions of tiny bubbles of light pulsing and emanating to and from what I can only guess was the essence of all being: me, you, the sun, moon, and stars.

As you might imagine, it was exhilarating.  It brought me the greatest sense of joy, peace, and wonder, and the moment I became fully conscious of what was happening, I wanted it to continue, to watch where it might take me, but, of course, in this same moment, I made the connection back to my thinking mind, and it was over, leaving me with tiny traces of its perfection.

Thinking about it now, I feel a bit empty but in the most positive way.  Empty of pain, worry, suffering, and full of hope at the possibility of my life and our world.  Now I am sharing it with you.

Namaste…

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