Admiring

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For Christmas when I was seven years old, I asked for, and quite thankfully received an alarm clock.  It was red metal with two charming brass bells on top and an unabashedly cheerful yellow happy face.  It lulled me to sleep with a marvelously sure and steady tick.  Though I didn’t really need and alarm clock at such a young age, as I was a naturally early riser, it came in handy.  I was an enormous fan of Jerry Lewis, and for reasons unknown to me at the time (but of which I am well aware now), his movies only came on at odd hours when everyone else was sleeping.  So I’d happily set my alarm, hear the pleasant ring, and go upstairs to cuddle under one of Great Aunt Mary’s crocheted afghans on the sofa and laugh and delight at Mr. Lewis, and if I was lucky, his friend Dean Martin.  Sometimes my brother Chris would join me, and we’d laugh together at Jerry falling upstairs or infuriating Dean.

Then, in 1980, I became obsessed with a certain preschool teacher named Diana and her handsome Prince Charles (Yes handsome, and I still find him so).  Once again, I wound my clock, and the bells awoke me to a brand of pageantry previously unknown to me.  This happens in real life?  There are actual carriages?  Enormous dresses with twenty five foot trains? Trumpets?  Balconies for kissing?  I was charmed.  I spoke often and fondly of the Prince and Princess.  I’m pretty sure I even wrote the couple a letter or two.  I definitely collected books of their great day and honeymoon, and even had my own scrapbook filled with photos and news articles that I and my grandmother and whomever else I could enlist collected.

Then, in 1997, I found myself coming full circle, sleeping on the living room futon (Why do young people make the mistake of buying these?  Don’t do it!  They really are terribly impractical and even less comfortable!) in our apartment in Denver, to rise early one last time for Diana.  I cried a lot that morning, mourning a treasured part of my childhood as well as the unimaginable void in the lives of her two heartbroken young sons.

And to today.  I did not rise early but did manage to have perfect timing with a full recap of all the splendid moments.  Kate looked lovely (her dress exquisite and perfectly tailored), the Prince quite handsome (the red!), and both incredibly nervous and happy.  Bless their hearts, I can’t imagine having the whole world watch my wedding, though they would have gotten a good laugh when the ring would not go on the hubster’s finger and the judge whispered, rather pleaded, “Help her!”  A glorious day!  If only we’d had use of the Aston Martin with that JU5T WED plate.  That would have been the tops!

So my heart, as usual, is full.  I’ve seen the promise of a new life together, and illuminated bits of my own happy past, but I’ve one more, and it is rather good.  At my tenth high school reunion, my friend Kelli Edwards (now Capra) made a point to tell me she thought of me when Princess Diana died.  For me, it was the highlight of the trip.  She’d remembered after all those years.  I was deeply touched and remain so.  It is amazing how events like these touch our lives, adding something immaterial yet so tangible and dear.  Here’s to starting a new cycle of memories, ones to cherish, for sure.

I love you, our relationship, and how special every day with you is.  I love that we can get mad at each other without it hurting who we are together.  I love that you are handsome with your sparkly blue eyes. I love that you are taller than me and can reach items on the high shelf without a ladder.  I love that you take good care of yourself.  I love that you work to make our lives better. I love that you are generous and give good hugs.  I love that you are funny and make me laugh almost every day.  I love that we have the same values and sense of the world.  I love that you love computers and speak their language.  I love your scent, that sweet spot, just there, on your cheek.  I love that you’re learning to play the piano.  I love that you wonder.  I love that we cuddle every night in bed and in the mornings, too.  I love you.

Last Thursday, I ventured north to Bellingham, Washington for my long anticipated class with Shiva Rea. I had never driven that far on my own before (about five hours), and the writer in me created all kinds of awful scenarios in which I did not return in one piece (the price for creativity!).  I prepared for many eventualities, every last duck in a row, and left very dark (seriously Spring, no need to be so shy) and early.  Thankfully, the drive went off without a hitch, a succession of NPR news stories, jazz, and rock and roll.

When I exited the highway hours later, my stiff legs itching for a stretch (yoga!), I had the first of many indications that none of my visions of doom would come to fruition.  The sun started to peek through the clouds and a Bald Eagle swooped over my car.  Talk about a warm welcome!

I arrived at the class after a picture perfect afternoon (more on that tomorrow), a warm, light-filled room, with equally warm and friendly strangers of all stripes.  Then Shiva arrived and the magic began.  With the beat of a drum, the raven spirit invocation (even more auspicious, considering my deep love of crows and ravens), curious, mischievous, dancing and spreading his wings, inviting us all to fly.  This was followed by a truly amazing, heart liberating kirtan with Dave Stringer (like this).  I sang at the top of my voice, every cell pulsing, full of joy, and ready for practice.  The sadhana was kick-my-ass challenging with moments of silliness too (Shiva is funny!), everything I hoped for, infused with grooves from Dave and his cohort, and a final round of chanting to bring the magical practice to a close.

It’s pretty amazing when someone you’ve admired for a long time lives up to your expectations, live and in person, and a bit of a relief, too.  I’ve been practicing with Shiva for the past six years, her work, and ours together, inspiring me more than I ever could have imagined.  So when it came came time to thank her, for everything, that in the flesh, no going back, she’s standing right in front of me moment, rather than take my hand extended in gratitude, she embraced me, a hug between “old” friends.  A perfect day, a perfect sadhana, made all the more sweet.  Namaste.

p.s. I hope to get a picture with Shiva next time!

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I realize that this came out a few years ago, but, as I have said before, I’m not terribly good at being of the moment, so there you go.  Besides, good funny is timeless.  “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!”  In any case, if you like me and my sense of humor, watch this.  Gaffigan is clean (I might like to drop an f-bomb from time to time, but I’m not crazy about hearing it), subtle, likes to talk about food, and offers spot-on commentary in the third person.  “He’s weird.”  “Is that a blouse?”  “Watch it fella!”  The hubster and I nearly wet ourselves with laughter.  That doesn’t happen nearly often enough!

It feels pretty amazing to see a smile like that, and even more so when I know that it is meant for me.  The hubster and I enter our third decade together today, and I truly could not imagine a better partner.  He makes me laugh, smile, think, and count my myriad blessings.  He loves my failings more than I do, all the while inspiring me to believe, do, and be all that I can.

Thank you, Buddy.  Here’s to the decade to come!

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