Under a Red Roof

Waterworks

March 9, 2010 in Being, Feeling by Colleen | 4 comments

My blogger friend Lori asked me what I thought of the Oscars. The answer, as seen in in this slightly outdated photo of me: friends, I cried.

First, I cried at all the excitement and hope of the people in attendance, the fans waiting for a glimpse of a star. Then of course, it was the dresses, the beautifully draped fabrics, shimmering violet, blue, red, and gold. Then it was the winners (none of them disappointments, for once) and their heartfelt speeches. I kept exclaiming, aloud to myself, “That’s so nice!” and “How sweet!” Then it was the fact that a woman won best director for the first time in history yet did not make it about that but rather the film and the infinitely brave people who place themselves in harm’s way every single day, at home and abroad. There was no shortage of tears. Thank goodness I was alone, for a guest might not have known what to do with Little Miss Waterworks. Heck, I’m a little weepy as I type this, in memory, and the fact that the sound track to Out of Africa is playing in the background, and that, like so much music, always gets to me.

In all honesty, I cry a lot, for all manner of reasons: joy, kindness, love, cruelty, injustice, fear, longing, and, sometimes, I honestly couldn’t tell you why. The tears just come. I used to be embarrassed by this fact, which was made worse by someone exclaiming, and not in a friendly way, “You cry at the drop of a hat!” But in his infinite love and understanding, and my great privilege, the hubster told me it was such a gift, to feel so openly and honestly. I just can’t help myself, nor do I want to.

I am waking up, realizing this isn’t very specific to the actual Oscars, besides the crying, so a list:

* I liked the Neil Patrick Harris opener, but not because I like numbers like this, I just like him. He’s got gusto and makes me laugh.

* Alec and Steve were a little off in the opening but came into their own. I especially liked their hotel room scene.

* I really liked the dancing to the music of the best original score nominees.

* I liked the tribute to John Hughes, felt a little confused by the horror tribute (Jaws is horror?), and very sad when I remembered everyone who died, especially Brittany Murphy.

*As I stated earlier, for the first time I can remember, I wasn’t disappointed by any of the winners, so that was nice.

Short and Sweet

January 19, 2010 in Being, Eating, Feeling by Colleen | 1 comment

Great Tuesday greetings blog friends! I have a killer headache from some nasty head cold I can’t seem to shake. I feel well for a couple of days, and then it sneaks in through the back door, and I feel terrible for another day or two. So much for the super-hero immunity I thought I had. Boo.

Anyhoo, I can’t think very clearly, so you get some random thoughts about me.

1. I cry while watching award shows. So much sincerity and the love of telling and sharing stories, for aren’t we all a collection of words, experiences, and emotions?

2. I love peanut butter. Have I told you this before? I can’t remember. With jelly or chocolate, in a spicy satay, on a pancake, sprinkled with smoky salt, or slathered on a rye crisp.

3. I believe in the power of architecture: wood, steel, glass, concrete, and LOVE.

4. I love ruffles, pearls, velvet, and brooches – all the trappings of a woman with a girlish heart.

5. I love smoked fish – sardines, salmon, trout – best when purchased in early morning, at a shack by the sea, dearest friend at my side, the scent of the sea and warm smoky fish filling the air. A slice of heaven, for sure.

Big Flower, Big Bird, and Mushrooms

October 27, 2009 in Being, Feeling by Colleen | 2 comments

Hello all. I hope you’re having a good day. This chum is feeling a little glum, can’t really say why either. I felt pretty and inspired by this outfit and took a photo that I like; I’ve been dancing up a storm with Yoga Trance Dance and Nia; and the weather’s been mighty fine too, a nice combination of sun and rain (rainbows, too), good for walking and raking and being inside for my Monday top-to-bottom housecleaning and laundry extravaganza, followed by my 4:00 appointment on the sofa, switching between The Newshour and Oprah at the Texas State Fair. Darn it all, if this weren’t the week the hubster and I are eating vegan, as well as wheat, sugar, and alcohol-free, I’d be chowing on a corn dog and frying up some PBJ sammies with a whiskey chaser. Mmm-hmm.

As the hubster would say, “Some days are diamonds, some are cubic zirconias.” I seem to be making a cubic zirconia bracelet. Maybe it’s the hormones. I’d like to blame everything on them. I’m still taking a high dose and have every side effect listed on the warnings: zits, headaches, dizziness, sleeplessness, drowsiness (don’t ask me how both are possible – it’s scientific!), weight gain, moodiness, and confusion. I’ve been getting lost in the middle of a sentence. I also have occasional night sweats, too. I wake up soaked through, but not hot or cold. Weird.

The upside: now that the I have recovered from my surgery, I am in hog heaven. I can’t remember the last time I went this long without being in dire pain in the lower regions, probably twenty-five years. This is good news and reason to smile. I’m smiling, at least.

In other news, I had an awesome bird sighting in our back yard. I was going downstairs and as I walked past the window I saw something bigger than my usual bird friends on the move. I stopped and realized it was a hawk, just a bit larger than a crow, with a red breast and a beautiful striped tail. With the help of my friend at the bird shop, we determined it was a young Cooper’s Hawk (aptly named – we’re big Cooper fans around here). I wanted to take a photo of it, but the batteries in the camera were dead at the time. Thankfully, I had the good sense to stop and just enjoy the moment rather than run around like a nut and miss this special visitor.

Finally, some ethereal visitors, growing in the side yard with the kinnikinnick. We got up early on Saturday and raked leaves in the brisk morning air. These were glowing magically in the light. Pretty neat, huh? Gosh, with all of this in mind, maybe it’s a diamond day after all. I think I’ll take a bath and think about it!

Tags: Endometriosis

Draped in Velvet

September 29, 2009 in Cooking + Baking, Eating, Feeling by Colleen | 4 comments

I got stung by a wasp on Sunday afternoon. The hubster and I were gardening, and I felt what I thought was a sequoia needle stabbing into me. When I looked down to move my foot out of the way of said needle, I saw the wasp bouncing off my ankle, like a little basketball, over and over. I yelped, both at the realization and because it really hurt. I thought I came out of it relatively unscathed until yesterday afternoon, when my foot swelled up like a little balloon, nearly twenty-four hours after being stung. To be honest, I think I brought this on myself, as the inflammation only occurred after a rather vigorous scratching. My goodness friends, it itches! So here I am, swollen footed, gimpy, writing about soup and fish, delicious velvety soup and fish. George Costanza would eat it with pride.

Velvety Squash Soup

1 winter squash, about 2 1/2 pounds (I used a kabocha – it looks like a dark green pumpkin)

olive oil

salt

1 medium onion, diced

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons curry powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

3 – 4 cups chicken or vegetable broth

1 cup coconut milk

cayenne pepper (to taste, optional)

Cut the squash into large chunks. If you have a hard time getting your blade through the hard flesh, try gently tapping the knife with a hammer. I wish I could give proper credit for this discovery, because it works wonders! Place on a baking pan and drizzle the pieces with olive oil and sprinkle with salt. Roast in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes to one hour, until soft. Remove from oven and allow to cool.

In a medium soup pot, saute the onion with the butter and salt until the onion is soft. Add three cups of broth and the curry powder and simmer over low heat. Once the squash is cool enough to handle, scoop out the flesh and add to the onion curry broth. Using an immersion blender, blend the mixture until smooth. (If you don’t have an immersion blender, use a regular one, adding the squash in batches. Use very little broth as you blend, or you will have a hot mess splattered everywhere. This is the voice of experience talking and why I have the immersion variety. Put it back in the pan as you go.) Add the coconut milk and correct the seasoning and thickness of the soup. It may need more broth, salt, or curry. If you’d like it spicier, add the optional cayenne now. Eat now or continue to simmer over low heat while you prepare the fish.

Floating Fish

2 fillets of firm white fish (neutral flavored cod or halibut are best)

curry powder

salt

Place fish on a baking pan and sprinkle with curry and salt. Place under the broiler for about 3-5 minutes, depending on thickness. Remove from oven, gently turn over, and season the second side. Broil until the flesh is opaque, another 3-5 minutes.

Ladle soup into serving bowls and gently float the fillet on top. It looks so pretty and tastes even better.

Enjoy!

My sad foot. I hope this doesn’t turn you off from the soup, but I had to share. It’s what I do.

Tags: Cooking and Baking

Secret Garden

August 11, 2009 in Being, Feeling, Gardening + Nature, Quoting by Colleen | 2 comments

Yesterday was a great day. I felt the strongest I have had since my surgery. Feeling rather invigorated, I walked around the block twice without any discomfort and lifted some light weights. I could even shimmy well enough that I decided I would be fit to drive today. It didn’t matter where – the grocery store, lunch, anywhere. I was determined to get in the car and G-O. Too bad my body had other plans, for, despite a very good night’s sleep and a lovely bath this morning, I am exhausted, mentally and physically. I can only stand for brief periods without feeling woozy, and my large incision feels as though someone has taken a rather dull needle to sew it up again. On top of that, even though my narcotics consumption is limited to one pain pill when I go to bed, my mind is very much like mush. What the heck happened?

Then I saw all the splendor out in the garden and came upon this quotation by Ben Okri:

“Don’t depair too much if you see beautiful things destroyed. Because the best things are always growing in secret.” Suddenly, I felt better. Not like I could drive or miraculously be pain free, but lighter in spirit, because I know this is true.

For those of you who haven’t visited our red roofed house, we have an old fence surrounding the back yard, nearing the end of it’s life in several places. Next to this fence is the rocky area where we park the Subaru and, despite our best efforts, cultivate many species of dandelion, clover, and vetch. I am the first to admit that it isn’t the prettiest sight to see. But duck under the low apple branches and open the gate and there is loveliness in every corner: flowers blooming, food growing, birds chirping, and bees zooming.

Then I thought of my own precious body and the secrets it’s keeping from me, even when I feel destroyed. It is healing and growing in its own time and its own way. I need only patiently wait, and all will be revealed.