Under a Red Roof

My Junk is No Good

June 4, 2009 in Being, Learning by Colleen | 9 comments

I don’t really know where to begin with this post, as it is not a garden variety topic. It is kind of serious, a little bit sad, a little bit funny, and exciting too. I’m just going to jump right in.

The truth is, I have suffered, and quite silently, most of the time, from pretty excruciating menstrual pain for more years than I care to remember. If that weren’t bad enough, as I got older, the duration of the pain became increasingly longer and l o n g e r until I was in pain more days than not. The real coup de grace came about six months ago, however, as I entered a new and not so terrific permanent state of pain. Like Karl Malden and American Express, I never leave home without it, no matter how badly I would prefer otherwise. Sometimes it is bearable, and I can be my usual cheery and silly self. Other times, I swear I know what it feels like to be violently stabbed, have my flesh slowly pierced with hundreds of tiny nails, or to sit for hours on a railroad spike, no matter how many ibuprofen or glasses of whiskey I consume.

After more than ten years of small successes combined with big setbacks to combat the pain, I decided it was time to pull out the big guns to get to the heart of the problem (I can be a s l o w learner). An MRI was ordered, and I dutifully went this past Monday. The diagnosis I expected was endometriosis, what I got was far more grand. As my doctor said, “You hit the jackpot: fluid filled fallopian tubes (bilateral hydrosalpinges), hyper engorged ovaries (bilateral endometriomas), a faulty uterus (adenomyosis with a large adenomyoma), as well as pelvic adhesions (no fancy term needed). It’s no wonder you hurt so much. For most women, one of these can cause horrendous pain, and you’ve got them all.” Ouch indeed. For some reason, the first words out of my mouth in response were, “So my junk is no good?” A bit bewildered, she said, “Yeah, your junk is no good.”

After a good laugh at my word choice, followed by a few tears and a couple tissues, we got down to business. Without question, I will need surgery. This will happen some time in July, as my doctor is quite booked up at the moment. The parts I need most will be salvaged as best as they can, and I will come out of it a period-free, and, fingers crossed, pain-free woman. Those last bits are the exciting part.

Additionally, the irony of my bad junk is not lost on me, the woman who has never wanted children. Did I send or receive some sort of message as an eight-year-old? An interesting question, one for the ages.

Tags: Endometriosis

Birding

April 24, 2009 in Learning, Reading, Spotlighting by Colleen | 1 comment

Remember when I told you that I liked to feed the birds in our backyard? Well, I think it is safe to conclude that I’ve taken my love for all things avian to a new level, as in I think I can officially call myself a birder. Since I first wrote about my fine feathered friends, I must say that my interest and awareness has only increased, finding my eyes peering through the binoculars (or “bins” as the veterans say) more and more.

However, what gave the stamp in my passport, so to speak, was participating in my very first Bird Song Walk this past Wednesday morning, organized by the Portland chapter of the National Audubon Society. We met at Mt. Tabor at 7:00, walking hither and yon through the park listening to and observing many a beautiful winged creature. An added bonus – the trilliums were in bloom!

Apparently it was a banner day, as we saw: a Merlin, two Red Tailed Hawks, Spotted Towhees, Orange Crowned Warblers, Creepers, Bush tits, Hummingbirds, Stellar Jays (six or seven enjoying a coffee klatch!), Flickers, Thrushes, Crossbills, House Finches, Goldfinches (American and Lesser), Sparrows, Nut Hatches, Pine Siskins, and more that I cannot recall at the moment. I remained in awe and occasionally on the verge of tears throughout the walk. That I was in my own neighborhood (a mere fifteen minute walk), among so many beautiful birds and people with such great knowledge (not to mention ears and eyes) was quite humbling.

Apparently, the Merlin was our greatest “get,” as many of the veterans had never actually seen one live and in person. It was beautiful and incredibly swift – gone in 60 milliseconds! One of the hawk sitings was rather cool, too. It was perched on a lamp post near one of the reservoirs, and remained there for the full five minutes we observed it. Once, as I was watching, I swear our eyes locked through the binoculars. I felt a wonderful sense of communion.

When I arrived home, I immediately turned to my Birds of the Willamette Valley Region to learn more about each species I hadn’t known before. Normally I am not one to make such statements, but the book is a must have for Portlanders observing the myriad feathered creatures here in the city, as there is no need to search through page after page of North American birds that may or may not inhabit or migrate through the region. Additionally, each bird is very well photographed, so there is relatively little guess work. I highly recommend it.

Who knows, maybe I’ve piqued your interest enough to see you at next Wednesday’s walk! See you soon…

Hail to the Garden!

April 13, 2009 in Gardening + Nature, Learning by Colleen | 2 comments

Meet Wilbur, another one of my gnome friends. He was hoping I would keep him company today as he trundled various twigs and bits of debris around the garden. We had no such luck, however. Every time I went to put my boots on, the rain would start, and sometimes, as in this case, the hail, too!

I tried three different times to no avail. I guess Mother Nature thought I’d be better off indoors today. It so happens she was right. I am happily typing away after a big basement clean-up. I put away the stray tools, cleaned up cat messes, filled three boxes with various bits and bobs for the Goodwill, and gathered a rather tall pile of all the remaining boxes that need to be cut and bound for the recycling bin. Then I swept, vacuumed, and smiled contentedly at a job well done.

I love a productive day…

Kenny!

March 5, 2009 in Learning, Quoting by Colleen | Permalink

So this bit of weirdness is a farewell. I have been instructed by my naturopath to give up sugar. Bye, bye VooDoo Doughnuts, cherry pie, chocolate cake, butterscotch pudding! Bye bye Junior Mints, Turkish delight, gummy bears! You were wonderful, and I loved you well.

I’ve stocked my pantry with dried fruit, and I’ve got these fine words to live by:

Badness you can get easily, in quantity: the road is smooth, and it lies close by. But in front of excellence the immortal gods have put sweat, and long and steep is the way to it, and rough at first. But when you come to the top, then it is easy, even though it is hard.

Hesiod, Works and Days

I CAN DO THIS!

Crazy Words and Bunco

March 2, 2009 in Cooking + Baking, Learning, Loving by Colleen | 3 comments

Okay, as someone who writes for a “living,” I feel like a total dork, but did you know that bimonthy can mean twice monthly OR every other month? What?! I’ve only used it to express twice monthly, but now, I will be extra careful to avoid any sort of confusion because there is a mighty big difference between twenty-four and six. Oy. I am just reeling. As someone with a deep appreciation for language and words, to say that I am disappointed to learn this is an understatement. What kind of nutter butter decided this?

Anyway, You’re probably wondering why this even matters. Well, I was starting to write a post about how I gather my friends up every other month for Bunco, but thought, surely there’s a word for that and did a little internet search. There you go. I’ve done the disappointing leg work for all of us.

As I was saying, I gather the lovely ladies to my house bimonthly, and we chat, roll the dice (most of the time), drink, eat, and are generally quite merry, often whooping and hollering with delight at our luck or lack of it. We are a wonderful group of beautiful, smart, funny, caring, and talented ladies. We love life, children (though I am the only one without any – they don’t hold it against me :), a good time, and a slice of cake.

About the cake, my dear friend Carolyn requested that I share the recipe from last Friday’s gathering. It is quite rich, a little slice going a long way, and delicious, too. I’m sorry I don’t have a picture of it, but we gobbled it up before I had the chance. Also, I have no photos of the lovely ladies themselves, well, save one, but I didn’t think Mara and Amber would want to be singled out like that, so, instead, I’ve got one of the table I set for the festivities. The tablecloth is the one I got from my adventure at The Bins, and the miniature daffodils are from our yard. I’ll get a picture of all of the ladies next time. I’m sure Greg won’t mind coming down in between whoops and hollers to capture our collective beauty for the ages and the blogosphere.

Anyway, the recipe is adapted from my very favorite dessert cookbook by the late Richard Sax, Classic Home Desserts:

Fabulous Flourless Chocolate Cake

Cake:

8 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

1 stick butter, cut into pieces, softened

6 large eggs: 2 whole, 4 divided

3/4 cup sugar

For flavor, pick one or two of the following:

2 tablespoons brandy or Grand Marnier

1 t cinnamon

Grated zest of one orange

Whipped Cream Topping:

1 1/2 cups heavy cream, well chilled

3 tablespoons powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (optional)

Cake:

Preheat the oven to 350. Line the bottom of an 8″ or 9″ spring form pan with a round of wax paper. Do not butter the pan. Melt the chocolate in a double boiler or bowl set over hot water. Remove from heat and whisk in the butter until melted; set aside.

Whisk the two whole eggs and the four egg yolks with 1/2 cup of the the sugar, just until blended. Whisk in the warm chocolate mixture. Whisk in your optional flavoring – cinnamon, brandy, Grand Marnier, or orange zest. Carolyn, for Bunco, I used the cinnamon.

In another bowl, beat the four egg whites until foamy. Slowly add the remaining 1/4 cup sugar and beat until the whites form soft mounds that hold their shape but are not stiff. Stir about 1/4 of the beaten whites into the chocolate mixture to lighten it; gently fold in the remaining whites, being careful not to deflate them. Pour the batter into the pan; smooth the top.

Bake until the top of the cake is puffed and cracked and the center is no longer wobbly; 35-45 minutes. It will still look pretty moist, so do not overbake.

Cool the cake in the pan on a wire rack; the cake will look like a crater, complete with a sunken center and high sides. It ain’t pretty!

Whipped Cream Topping:

At serving time, whip the cream with powdered sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon. Fill the crater of the cake and serve. Also, be careful not to eat the wax paper you used to line the pan. It disguises itself rather well, but if you pay attention, it can be peeled away as you slice the cake. Enjoy!