As part of my day rave experience, I received Belong, a book written by Daybreaker co-founder Radha Agrawal. It’s all about creating communities where we feel valued and thrive. By completing a series of written and exploratory exercises, the reader creates the shape of her life by filling it with the people and activities that spark the most joy and connection.
I’d been plugging along when a friend texted to say she needed some girl time and really wanted us to hang out. Since I’d been doing the Belong work, I already had some doubts about our relationship. She had a habit of not allowing space for me in conversation and making fun of me or Greg but had other qualities that I enjoyed, so I started to make plans, which sent a flag up for me.
This friend also had a habit of saying I was missed but never seemed to want to do the work of making the connection. It always fell on me to choose the date, time, and activity. So, I wondered what would happen if the task fell to her, offering ideas but leaving the execution to her. This was weeks ago, and I haven’t heard back.
As I am wont to do, I fretted and found ways to make myself the bad actor. Then I looked back on one of the Belong exercises that asks what I do and don’t want in a relationship. I reread the qualities and was gobsmacked to realize she has ALL that I determined were deal breakers. And so I quit, not in an instant, see above(!), but over a few days, culminating by unfriending her on Facebook. I still feel a tad twitchy but know the relationships I am currently building are keepers, where positivity reigns and I am valued equally and treated respectfully.
Thank you, Radha, for helping me get to this place!