Articles by Colleen

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“It is nothing.”

These were the words uttered rather non chalantly by a Russian neighbor when I expressed my delight at her beautiful carnations.  I had some, and they just didn’t look like hers, despite trying several methods to make them flourish.  I was bugged by the answer.

Then, I started to notice this was a trend among those I encountered from former Soviet States.  It is nothing is like a mantra, the go-to answer for accomplishments large and small.  I didn’t really get it until reading The House of Meetings by Martin Amis.  The novel describes the life of two brothers in 20th century Russia: their love for the same woman, the wars, life in the gulag, life afterward.

The novel is a long letter from a father to his daughter, confessing his crimes, and describing his love for his brother Lev and his wife Zoya.  What really stands out for me is the it is nothing aspect.  The lives of the people of Russia have been so tortured (quite literally) and on the precipice for so long that nothing is truly valued, for if this were to happen, it would make the loss more unbearable.  There are marriages, children, wars, rapes, thefts, and squalid conditions, but with them only a vague sense of gratitude, joy, remorse, or loss.  It’s very strange.

The novel itself is a pretty swift read, smart, well researched, and even humorous at times.  Though I did have to make stops at the dictionary for these words: pelf, rictus, cloacal, scrofulous, and lachrymist.  Golly, does Martin Amis have an enviable vocabulary – it is something.  On the whole, I liked the book it and found it rather enlightening.  I appreciated the fact that it was so detached, as, sensitive girl that I am, I certainly could not have stomached the work had the narrator been passionately engaged and vividly describing the events of his life.  On the other hand, I cannot help but feel sad that one could live this way, or treat others in such a fashion, as cold as the Siberian plain.  I doubt I would last very long.

Yesterday at Nia class, my instructor Margaret mentioned Silver Falls State park here in Oregon, and with it came a cascade of memories for me.

The spring after we first moved here, one of Greg’s colleagues participated in an exchange with someone from Daimler-Chrysler to further the relationship between companies.  Ron went off to Germany and Hans came here.

I think, quite possibly, he was the best gift we had in that first year.  We’d had a rough start with the house (the furnace and oven breaking, plumbing problems, etc.) and I couldn’t find work as a teacher (a long standing trend!).  One night, after a particularly bad day, we had Hans over for dinner, and his presence was like a light shining down on us – warm, friendly,  and entirely good.  It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Hans became a near constant companion.  We did every manner of activity together.  We explored the McMenamin’s kindgom, had downtown adventures, threw parties, went hiking, took in movies, enjoyed great conversations, the works.

But these memories are the ones I hold dearest to my heart, for they are the most “Hans”:

Hans dressed in what I consider a pretty typical German fashion.  Stylish with a dash of kookiness.  He loved character socks.  He once wore his favorite pair, Popeye, with sandals, to the waterfront for the Rose Festival.  Also, he’d never owned a dryer before, and the one in his apartment was like a revelation.  “Did you know it can dry pants in only half an hour?”  Um yeah, but for every half an hour, you seem to lose a quarter of an inch in length, Hans.  No matter.  He was the happiest guy in high waters and Popeye socks.  Definitely.

Hans always wore a button down shirt, always.  In his left breast pocket he kept a small spiral notebook and pencil for new words and phrases.  Often times, he would bring out the notebook for us to help him with something particularly unusual that he couldn’t suss out with his dictionary.   The best was when he learned “spam sucking trailer trash” and “son of a bitch,” and in a rather serious tone, asked the G-Man and I: “Which is more worser?”  The two of us nearly died with laughter, explaining that it really depends on the audience.

Hans was a master at cards.  He could figure out any game in a matter of minutes and play joyously for hours.  In particular, I loved to watch him shuffle.  I have only recently become even remotely efficient at shuffling.  I can’t really say why.  I used to think it was my hands being small, but then we met Sandeep, and despite his fingers being a full inch shorter than mine, he was like a dealer in Vegas.  Amazing.  Anyway, Hans had this curious way of doing it, basically mixing up the stack, not actually shuffling.  It was crazy how quick and efficient he was at it.  You’d never imagine it would work, but it did.

Finally, the memory that started this all.  On one of our many adventures, we went to Silver Falls State Park for a hike.  It was a cold day, a bit drizzly, but exceedingly beautiful.  The water was high and the falls in their full splendor, loudly crashing into the river below.  As we hiked, we took a path that was further from the falls, deeper into the forest.  Imagine the quintessential Oregon forest – redolent with the scent of clean air and earth, full of moss, ferns, evergreens, and the lacy branches of deciduous trees clamoring for the sun.  We were happily chatting and walking when Hans suddenly stopped.  I kept speaking for a moment then realized what it was about.  Silence.  A void of sound of the most profound variety, like none I have experienced since.  For a full five minutes we stood in utter stillness and wonder that the world could be so beautiful and quiet and we could be so privileged to share in it.

There are many other wonderful memories of Hans, as well, and sometimes, when I need a little pick-me-up, I gently unpack one and smile that such a wonderful man came into my life all those years ago.  Life is good.

By the way, I could not find the picture from that day, so this one has to suffice.  The day was cloudier, but the landscape quite similar…

You Are a Katharine!

You Are a Katharine!

“I am happy and open to new things”

Katharines are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

How to Get Along with Me

  • * Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
  • * Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
  • * Appreciate my grand visions and listen to/read my stories. :)
  • * Don’t try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
  • * Be responsible for yourself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
  • * Don’t tell me what to do.

What I Like About Being a Katharine

  • * being optimistic and not letting life’s troubles get me down
  • * being spontaneous and free-spirited
  • * being generous and trying to make the world a better place
  • * having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
  • * having such varied interests and abilities

What’s Hard About Being a Katharine

  • * not having enough time to do all the things I want
  • * not completing things I start
  • * not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career (oy!)
  • * having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies (eek!)

Katharines as Children Often

  • * are action oriented and adventuresome
  • * drum up excitement
  • * finesse their way around adults 
  • * dream of the freedom they’ll have when they grow up (Boy, did I!)

This is a two question quiz that is surprisingly accurate – I deleted the aspects that were off base.  To find out who you “are” click here.  Happy Monday!

I am cold and shivery and have been craving summer like nobody’s business.  In my desperation, curled up in front of the fire, I close my eyes and imagine sitting outside, sun on my cheeks, bare feet tickled by the grass, the occasional flutter of a bird’s wing and drifting clouds filling my vision.

The soundtrack to this day dreaming is Gecko Turner’s Guapapasea! Oh how this sounds of summer!  It is wiggle until you jump out of your seat and dance, roll the windows down, crank the volume music.  He is a mix master of the royal degree, using Afro-Cuban, jazz, pop, and plain dreaminess to enchant the listener through the dozen tracks.

Sung mostly in Spanish, and therefore, mostly foreign and vacation-like, it makes me reminisce about my honeymoon (nearly sixteen years ago!) and our wanderings through Spain.  Warm and wonderful, eating kilo after kilo of cherries and paella, then washing it all down with the fantastically mouth puckering Kas Limon. Sweet summer perfection and a very grand time.

So, if, like me, you want a little summer right now, but aren’t scheduled on a flight to paradise, cozy up, put the music on, and dream away…

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Words create sentences; sentences create paragraphs; sometimes paragraphs quicken and begin to breathe. Imagine if you like, Frankenstein’s monster on its slab. Here comes lightening, not from the sky but from a humble paragraph of English words. Maybe it’s the first really good paragraph you wrote, something so fragile and yet full of possibility that you are frightened. You feel as Victor Frankenstein must have when the dead conglomeration of sewn-together spare parts suddenly opened its watery yellow eyes. Oh my God, it’s breathing, you realize. Maybe it’s even thinking. What in hell’s name do I do next?

Stephen King

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