All Love

When I am thirsty, I gulp down water. I do not pause for breath, no matter the size of the glass. No matter if it dribbles down my chin and leaves me gasping for air. Satisfaction, happy at the sweet taste. Water. At first I thought this was a metaphor for my life – me lustily taking it all in, senses on high alert, music, trees, words, mountains, wildness overflowing from my lips. Sometimes, yes.

But I am also the sipper. I take a single drop, and it spreads like sunrise, small then big, big, bigger. I stop and crouch, examine the leaf, the rock, the blade of grass. I pick up the feather and watch it fall, a whole minute if I am lucky and the wind is right. And it is beautiful. The gulping and the savoring. They are the same, really, all love.

Nighttime

Nighttime walking, positively giddy with neon and gliding geese. Quiet and brisk, my hat pulled down over my ears, fingers laced with the hubster’s. Everything I don’t need to see is hidden, forgotten, mostly, save my worries and woes, which, thankfully, are few at the moment. Goodness, yes.

Our little brick house is one step closer to reality. We had inspections yesterday, by fine and thoroughly kind professionals and were grateful for good news and even excitement from our structural engineer (“One quarter inch of settling in sixty years – incredible!”) and celebrated with high-fives and me gasping, “I could hug you!”

So now, my head is full up with ideas I can rightly execute and thinking about contractors, plumbers, tilers, cabinet installers. Someone who will repair and sand the neglected floors. Another who builds fences, so I can spin like a dervish in the back yard with only the hubster and Google satellites to witness it. Excitement. Cabinet fronts! New windows! Light fixtures – sixteen on their way! This is happening, and we are not going to eke it out like Portland. Sixteen years of projects and paint will be done in rapid HGTV style, with us camped out in the basement, using a pink toilet and a sink short enough for elementary schoolers to delight in the oh-my-goodness-I-don’t-need-a-stool wonderment of it all.

And it was SEVENTY degrees outside when I wrote this. In February. Oh, Colorado!

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Backward

trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.

e.e. cummings

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blow

A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.

George Eliot

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On my mind…

I went to my first Superbowl party this weekend, the woman who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about football. It was fun and strange, me wearing a generic orange sweater in a room full of jerseys and true sports fan garb; people who know players and statistics and care about what is happening; people who, mid-sentence, punctuate conversations with long pauses so as not to miss an important play.  We ate and ate, guts busting with tasty vittles, a.k.a. edible provisions, ha! I saw that definition when making sure I had vittles spelled properly because my checker gives it the evil red underline.

The party was at my friends Amy and Don’s house. Amy and I were on the periphery of each other’s lives from middle school forward, and most recently excellent Facebook pals. And Don was one of my dearest friends in high school. We had a free period together and would beg off to some quiet place to read and talk and share secrets. I hadn’t seen him in…I don’t even remember any more, a long time. And it was true and lovely, the old cliche about picking up where we left off, the feeling of immediate comfort in the presence of a friend. I gave him big squeezy hugs to let him know. That’s what I’m about.

The offer on the house we like was accepted, so thank you for the positive thoughts! Since it’s not our first rodeo, we are cautiously optimistic and giddy-leaning, hoping there aren’t any awful surprises once the inspection draws the curtain back on Oz. If all goes well, we close on the 29th, F A S T! Not that it wouldn’t be wonderful. The past year has been such a strange one, with us bouncing around, filmy apparitions uncertain of who and what we are sometimes. How lovely it will be to feel grounded, to make a home, to cultivate a patch of land, practically from scratch. A couple nights since, I have kept myself up late, hatching plans in my head, this tile here, that plant there, everything minimal and clean and neat and nodding toward the southwest. Yeah, that’s it.

 

And a few things, just because:

Do you know about Blank on Blank? Wonderful interviews from famous people, once thought lost, the interviews, not the people, though some are technically lost via death. Anyhoo. They are generally short and wonderfully animated. My faves include Elliott Smith, Louis Armstrong, and Robin Williams, representing wonderful ends of the artistic spectrum.

I’m missing my favorite Pittsburgh massage therapist, Angie Miller, very much as of late. We were kindred spirits and always had a magical time during our sessions. If you’re local and in need, please do yourself a favor and go, go, go!

My friend Whitney Lowe is marveously talented with clay (that’s his work up there) and has a show at the Hatton Gallery at Colorado State. What great luck to get to see him and his beautiful pieces last week! You can see the show for a bit longer, however.

 

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