Admiring

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I sit on the back porch, feet up, nibbling cheese. Guilty pleasure that, any variety but goat, the miserable, ever-present tang clinging to my throat, no matter what they say.

It is heavy with heat and this scramble on the keyboard a break from lying prostrate with a book propped on my chest. Though the reading could be better. I vacillate between two lesser books that also happen to be the favorites of people dear to me. I hate that, hate that I see their earnest faces and kind eyes in the midst of my dislike. And now, an invocation of whatever spirit will make my next read so wholly captivating that I read until my eyes ache and pulse quickens.

A trio of hummingbirds competes for our garden, and I marvel at the fierceness, the fantastic fluttered wing spirals and wild chirps of battle.

A crow breaks a cracker in the bird bath, some snack gleaned elsewhere and slowly savored here. She is quiet and delicate in her work, and I marvel at the fact that she does it all without hands. Her onyx feathers gleam, and she watches me, coyly perhaps. We are friends but not that kind, not yet, her penetrating eyes intent on me as I speak to her, of her mucky messes and occasional early wake-up calls. She’s finished eating and scratches her head with her left foot, even considers a bath, lightly splashing with her beak, no matter the diminutive size of the vessel in relation to her body.

A squirrel is five feet away from her, hoovering every last remnant the finches and sparrows and jays messily toss out of the feeder, some silent agreement, perhaps. Another claws madly in a wild dash up the neighbor’s sequoia.

Paris is stretched on the concrete of the patio, five feet from me, wholly unaware of the life that surrounds her, pretending she is some Egyptian, I think, so regal is her posture.

I hear the bushtits flit about and a robin chirp in the distance. Children rough house nearby and the steady thrum of traffic drones in the distance, though sometimes I cannot hear it and am elsewhere, some fine elysian field, where all that I love lasts and there is no rush to capture it for another hour.

Happy Birthday, Allison!

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I love this man!

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Surface

The truth is always an abyss. One must – as in a swimming pool – dare to dive from the quivering spring board of trivial everyday experience and sink into the depths, in order to later rise again – laughing and fighting for breath – to the now doubly illuminated surface of things.

Franz Kafka

 

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Walking

Weighted and buoyed by the preciousness of moments. They, of the unphotographable ilk. Things real and felt but not alive, flashes of memories, sensations, scents wafting, light refracting, sounds, voices, laughter.

The potent yearning for them to manifest, a gilded leaf in my palm, a fil-um scrolling, before they are lost to time and my own failings.

Like this week ago walk. Cold and soggy with mist on my nose. Hands chilled in their woolly wrappings. Shoes sloshing from overgrown puddles and a moment of inattention.

The price I dutifully pay for joy. For being alive. For love.

 

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I don’t actually know that this is a Lady Hawk, not being an ornithologist, and all, but a creature this regal needs a title other than it. She visited for her Sunday lunch, though we didn’t see her do anything but chase off a crow.

I hope you’re having a week full of wonder. We are hosting Lori and crew this evening for a Southwestern Supper extraordinare. It is 9:55, and I’ve already baked a cake, made dough for fresh tortillas, and have a pot of green chile and pinto beans bubbling on the stove. The house smells SO good!

We’ll be here for Thanksgiving, me and my favorite sous chef making dinner together. Roasted squash ravioli with brown butter sage sauce, green beans, home made bread, crispy kale, cranberry sauce (the jellied kind, because it rocks, no matter what people say), and the hubster’s favorite pecan pie. I think there will be a fire, too, two humans and two felines cuddled in close proximity.

I hope you have a marvelous holiday and know that I’m most grateful for your gentle presence in my life.

Big Hug!

Update: Definitely not the same bird! The memory is not what it once was. A Sharp Shinned Hawk or juvenile Cooper’s Hawk are my best guesses. A new visitor nonetheless, huzzah!

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Bedroom Light

This is what it’s looked like in our bedroom lately, all manner of lovely light, compliments of Monsieur Soleil. And as much as I am itching for the rain (Friday, they say), I sure will miss it.

How have you been? Well, I hope. The hubster and I, while cuddling in bed last night, me smelling his bearded cheek (heaven!), decided that we love our broken record life. Broken record, I say, because, at the end of every day, we say, “It was a great day!” and then cuddle and giggle and squeal (mostly me, save when I tickle him) under the covers. And it is true. Every day is a great day. Even when something shitty happens. Not like it did yesterday, but I am thinking back on other days, hard ones.

Like before my surgery and I was ALWAYS in pain. Those times when moving nearly made me retch because my insides were so very twisted, but I practiced yoga and went to the supermarket and smiled and laughed because I would not be foiled. I would not be beaten because the sun was shining, the hubster was smiling, the cats were purring, and I had friends. Or maybe a beloved song was on the hi-fi and I was dancing while the rain poured onto the pavement, and I could smell it, that scent of childhood and love.

There will always be shitty things. A nasty bruise on my arm from who knows what. Wrinkles. A migraine headache. Pain. A dirty house. Illness. A friend who doesn’t call back. A mean neighbor. But there are even better things. Love. Home. Music. Dancing. Friends. Kindness. Flowers. Plums. Cheese. Cats. Dogs. Children. Laughter. Sun. Rain. Moon. Stars. I’ve got it all, right here, right now, always.

It is a great day…

 

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Thankful

For plums grown on our own tree,

for birds bathing,

for spying the unusual,

for a clean car,

for dresses with pockets,

for furry friends,

for play dates with my favorite four-year-old,

and you…

 

 

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Last week, I stumbled upon a very cool skateboarding video, Altered Route with Kilian Martin. Did you know that about me? That I love watching skateboarders? And surfers? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched Dogtown and Z-Boys or YouTube videos on loops (Laird Hamilton, you slay me!), truth be told. The mesmerizing click and roll of wheels on pavement, hands skimming air and water, the ceaseless rolling of waves, I am dazzled and awed at what bodies can do, so much and so beautifully, against gravity and odds and nature.  Anyhoo, the video had the sweetest song playing, very atypical of what most would consider skateboarding music. Patrick Watson, “Adventures in Your Own Backyard.” I couldn’t get it out of my head, this stirring sound, so I bought the album and a couple of other songs and started playing them on a loop while I wrote.

Then, when that was not enough, I went to Patrick Watson’s website and clicked around, pushing the concert button to find the band would be in town in four short days. Tickets still available. Click-boom! The hubster and I were go-ing. Yup, yup.

We arrived at The Mission Theater to very little fanfare, hardly a line, a table steps from the small stage. The opening band, Cat Martino, was sweet, her voice very fine, with a slight eighties vibe, and Cat’s band mate Sven (who totally reminded us of Zach, Maren!) with some of the coolest tattoos I’ve ever seen – small birds flying all over the right side of his body. I love that kind of thought.

Then it was time for the main attraction. The theater went completely dark and Patrick Watson came out, each with two or three small lights attached to their fingers. They played “Lighthouse” (pretty sure), which starts with Patrick playing softly on the piano and singing before being joined by the rest of the band – a violin (Melanie Blair), a guitar (Simon Angell), a bass (Mishka Stein), and drums (Robbie Kuster), building and building to this marvelous explosion of sound.

And that was only the beginning.

I’ve seen a lot of shows in my time, many in venues like this one, two hundred people gathered around a stage. But those small spaces had nothing to do with the intimacy of the show. Last night, we were part of something, transported elsewhere, our collective souls stirred into one. It was tender, silly, raucous, rakish, and laugh out loud funny, and we were all in it together. Dazzlingly simple, too, a string of patio lights and long shadows cast, minstrel-style, upon the ceiling and walls.

Then there was the singing. The hypnotizing guitar and bass. The haunting violin. The dynamic drumming. A whole song, “Into Giants,” I think, when the band came into the audience, no amplification, standing single file, Patrick right in front of me, Mishka’s tattoo peeking from his t-shirted arm while he strummed the guitar, so close I could have lifted the sleeve and revealed its secret. They sang and stomped so powerfully that Robbie might as well have been playing the drums.

M A G I C A L. Really and truly. The best show of my life, and I yelled it out the window of the Mini as we zoomed home, Patrick smoking a cigarette on the corner. Yeah, that was me. And since the band hails from Montreal, I gotta say, “Merci mille fois!”

 

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Be the Light

The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. … Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Hello dear readers,

How are you?  Wrapped up, warm and wonderful, I hope.  I am cold, despite a multitude of layers and a hat on my head.  And busy, writing, revising my novel, spending days in a flurry of words and fleeting thoughts.  It’s been rather lovely and satisfying, though all consuming, too.

The workers are done, the last out on Friday, and the quiet’s been blissful.  No more banging or wondering when someone will arrive.  No new dust being scattered by labor either, though plenty of the old dust is still getting kicked around.  I’m thinking we’ll have one of those furnace cleaners come after the new year, and then we will paint the basement, too, so very, very many gallons.

I’ve still not hung the pictures in the bathroom, nor decorated our house for the holidays, save two candles and a festive plaid cloth on the dining room table.  To be honest, I don’t really miss it.  I’m just so happy for quiet and grateful to get things done, that it doesn’t seem to matter.

In the evenings, after my mind is spent, and I’ve made some sort of soup for dinner, last night was possibly the best fish chowder, and the night before minestrone, I settle in on the sofa, knit, and watch movies.  It’s about all my little brain wants or can handle.  The hubster plays the piano (he’s learning music from Amelie), types away on his very old Commodore-64 in his new man-cave, or sits with me, a cat on his lap and mine.

It’s a wonderful life, sometimes busy and hectic, but mostly exactly what we want, and always good, lovely, and fine.

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