Listening

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Say hello to part two of my ultimate 70s playlist! Much scribbling, sighing, scratching out and circling again, but really quite worth the effort to reminisce. SO good!! I even went to the trouble of Youtubing all the videos. You’re welcome.

Paranoid – Black Sabbath – Quite apropos for our COVID-19 times…

I Wanna Be Sedated – The Ramones

Shadowplay – Joy Division

Tangled Up in Blue – Bob Dylan

Feels So Good – Chuck Mangione

Kodachrome – Paul Simon

What’s Going On – Marvin Gaye

The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway – Genesis

Close to You – The Carpenters

Walk on the Wild Side – Lou Reed (I had this poster on my wall in H.S.)

American Woman – The Guess Who

Ventura Highway – America

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough – Diana Ross

Fire & Rain – James Taylor – One fine day I’m gonna hear this and not cry.

Bring on the Night – The Police

Here Comes the Flood – Peter Gabriel

Life’s Been Good – Joe Walsh

Living for the City – Stevie Wonder

Radar Love – Golden Earring

Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac

Love: Building on Fire – Talking Heads

Marquee Moon – Television

Running With the Devil – Van Halen – that intro…..gah!

You Are So Beautiful – Joe Cocker

You really are so beautiful. Stay safe and well…

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I get aura migraines. A fact of my life for more than thirty years. The tiniest dot of light that grows into a wild snake, gradually engulfing the whole of my vision. A beautiful menacing messenger commanding me to slow down, better yet, STOP, get to a dark place and observe. My latest got me thinking of how it resembles Acoma pottery, delicately bending lines of turquoise and white, rust and black. Beautiful really, despite what it really means.

Not only am I temporarily blinded, but pain is imminent. I have been warned. What better way to ride the wave than by getting lost in music, as singing is one of the best avenues I know to forgetting pain. And since I mentioned a 70s Playlist a while back, here goes, complete with a disco interlude!

This is a L O N G list, and equally notable for what isn’t here. Every time I thought I had it, I remembered something else. I think there’s got to be a part two.

Can’t You See – The Marshall Tucker Band

That’s the Way – Led Zeppelin

Low Spark of High Heeled Boys – Traffic

Angel from Montgomery – Bonnie Raitt

Southbound – The Allman Brothers

L.A. Woman – The Doors (one of my top karaoke songs!)

Bitch – The Rolling Stones

Hello It’s Me – Todd Rundgren

Hollywood Nights – Bob Seger

Love Reign O’er Me – The Who

Low Down – Boz Skaggs

Morning Has Broken – Cat Stevens

Saturday in the Park – Chicago

Lost in the Supermarket – The Clash

Easy – The Commodores

Take it Easy – The Eagles

Come Down in Time – Elton John

Fernando – ABBA

Night Fever – The Bee Gees

Heroes – David Bowie

A Song for You – Leon Russell

Old Man – Neil Young

Time Has Told Me – Nick Drake

American Girl – Tom Petty

Sweet Thing – Van Morrison

Every Kinda People – Robert Palmer

Sara Smile – Hall & Oates

Poetry Man – Phoebe Snow

Us & Them – Pink Floyd

It’ll Take a Long Time – Sandy Denney

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inside out

This and the two above: Linda Fleming

Most handsome and best companion

Greetings from Friday night! It is exceedingly rare for us to have two events in one day, so you know it’s pretty special when we do. The recently completed Ent Center for the Arts (such a gorgeous space!) hosted Sybarite5, a unique and fabulous string quintet that plays Radiohead covers, among other magical music, so, you know, deal sealed. The show was fun and funny and the music super wow, wow, wow. These people can play, y’all!

We also had a pre-show nosh at Tap Traders – my stellar, delightfully pink and purdy, sour beer was a blackcurrant, and the hubster’s an Oktoberfest – tis the season. If you’re local (even just passing through), head on over to the Ent Center to see Linda Fleming’s great works, outdoors and in, check out the multitude of other sculptures, the beautiful architecture, and the stellar view (photo below), of course. You won’t regret it!

 

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Black is Beautiful

 A playlist to represent a little bit of everything I love:

Ella Fitzgerald – “Blue Skies” – My favorite singer of ALL TIME. The scatting! Look it up and whose photo does it show? ELLA! The queen.

John Coltrane – “Blue Train”

Miles Davis – “Stella by Starlight”

Marvin Gaye – “Inner City Blues”

Stevie Wonder – “My Cherie Amour”

Mos Def – “Umi Says”

Tribe Called Quest – “Electric Relaxation”

Erykah Badu – “Love of My Life (an Ode to Hip Hop)”

Curtis Mayfield – “Pusherman”

James Brown – “Papa Don’t Take No Mess”

Jackson Five – “Never Can Say Goodbye”

Pete Rock & CL Smooth – “The Creator”

The Carters – “Apeshit”

Public Enemy – “Rebel Without a Pause”

Erik B. & Rakim – “I Ain’t No Joke”

J Dilla – “Trashy”

Ray Charles – “Georgia”

Aretha Franklin – “Day Dreaming”

Abbey Lincoln – “For All We Know”

Nina Simone – “Who Knows Where the Time Goes”

With two famous suicides in the news, I have been thinking, even more than I normally would, about mental illness and suicide. And since I have been plagued by what Winston Churchill called the “black dog” since I first tried to kill myself at age eight, I have a bit more than two cents to offer on it. I’ve got a whole dollar and what I anticipate being a lot of swear words. Because I am pissed.

First off, for nearly every person I have heard comment on how important it is to talk to you about my depression, because you really care. Mean what you say. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this line, then attempted to get my head in a safe space only to be on the receiving end of bullshit like:

  1. How could YOU possibly know about depression? You’re my cheerful friend! Just because I work my ass off to keep it positive absolutely does not mean I have not visited or sometimes resided long-term in the pit of despair.
  2. Here’s what you should do! Yes, I have seen a therapist. Yes, I’ve read books. Yes, I have tried exercising more (an hour every day) and yoga and meditation and eating differently. Yes, I do take note of small miracles and kindnesses (bees! a smile from a stranger! that cloud there, literally floating!), of how TRULY great my husband is, AND how lucky I am. And yet, none is a cure. My brain is still broken.
  3. Oh, well then, maybe drugs are the answer. I tried them, multiple kinds and doses. They only made it worse, physically and mentally, so I quit them.
  4. I’m super uncomfortable. Let’s talk about something else.  If I am feeling brave enough to share my anguish with you, a person who is supposed to care, I am going full narcissist and only want to talk about my shit. Shut up and really listen. It is being heard, admitting openly (sometimes only in a whisper to myself) that I am hurting and my suffering is bordering on self destruction that I am saved.

Finally, should I ever choose suicide, know that it isn’t because I think it will make me happy or that I don’t have a fierce love or genuine concern for the feelings of my family and friends. It will be out of sheer exhaustion and a sincere desire for relief. My body aches with depression. My head, my heart. It makes me vomit while shouldering the crushing weight of mountains. It fills my mind with terrible piercing screams, of the horrible and unspeakable that exists in the world, of my own foibles – all that I am not, all that I cannot do and be and see, of the utterly stupid and trivial. Some of it is true. Much of it is not, but still, it continues, and I along with it, for how long I cannot say.

But, because, miracle of miracles, I remain an optimist, I have hope that it is ages and ages.

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