Imagine this is your largest serving bowl, the one you use for a crowd (maybe just your kids!), requiring your giant pot for the water that takes ages and ages to boil. B I G. This is that bowl, and I filled it with cherries! Truth be told, it actually had more in it, another cereal bowl’s worth, but who in their right mind waits to dive in before taking a photo? Not me, peeps, no way, no how. Cherry bliss! I picked these myself, too, just down the street. How is that for local and organic? My neighbor’s tree was positively loaded with the ruby jewels. I wish I could say the same about mine, but, it did make great strides in the production department this year, with probably two dozen mouth watering cherries. Baby steps!

All of this stirs a memory, six weeks in France, one summer, eons ago. I studied in Amiens (World War I buffs will know this name well), a quaint town in the north, complete with canals and a grand cathedral (of course). After my studies were over, I headed south, to Paris, Bordeaux, Angouleme, Avignon, and Saintes Maries de la Mer. It was the first time I had ever been completely alone, and while this was fine the majority of the time, so busy with learning and exploring and eagerly filling my head with all things French, there were lonesome pockets. The hubster was thousands of miles away, and the void, of our enlaced hands and eager voices describing the essential and mundane details of our separate days, positively wrecked me at times.

But, like much of life, there are moments that enfeeble our dark hours with glorious beams of light. Mine came as surprises, like the man at breakfast in my tiny hotel in Angouleme. We exchanged pleasantries in swift French, and he was utterly shocked to learn that I was an American. “Except for Jodie Foster (on whom he had a serious crush) they do not speak good French. Your parents are from France? Your grandmere?” I assured him that my parentage was wholly American and positively beamed at relaying that my accent and vocabulaire were no coincidence but the product of diligence and a bit of love.

Another surprise came early in my voyage, when out walking in Amiens, I stumbled upon a concert at the Cathedral. I sat near the back on a wobbly folding chair, not expecting much. Then the music began, with the sound of string instruments performing fantastic acrobatics one moment and soulful pirouettes the next. Coupled with the dazzling summer light, the soft hues of stained glass, it was wholly transcendent, with me embodying every vibrant and luminous molecule in the space.

Then there were the cherries, the first of the season. I spied them from a distance, walking through an open air market. Cherries of my happiness, favorite fruit in the world! Salvation and balm in one, I bought a bag, one whole kilo (two pounds, three ounces just in case you don’t know), and ate them in one sitting. I have no memory of being too full or wishing I hadn’t, only the distinct pleasure of doing exactly what I wanted when I wanted and enjoying every minute. In hearty celebration, the very next day, I did it again.

Wednesday, I…

awoke with the sun, to cuddles and the purring of cats.

ate every strawberry I picked.

set my abs and butt on fire with Cassey Ho. Silly and fun, she kills me every time!

mowed and fertilized, and plunged my hands into earthy compost.

heard the first steady hum of bees on blossoming lavender.

got bouquets, cards, and well wishes from friends and loved ones.

walked with the hubster, love of my life.

ate dinner to the Bee Gees, Hall & Oates, and Fleetwood Mac, and sang my heart out!

realized, in a weepy moment of gratitude, that the greatest gift I’ve recently received is that I am finally surrounded by MY people. I’ve shed the drama queens and gossips, the self-absorbed, the unkind, the ones who lack the common courtesy to call or email. My people are kind, caring, fascinating, fun, and super duper smart. We get each other. We love each other. We share all we have and all that we are.

A pretty terrific way to celebrate forty-three orbits around the sun!

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Ripen

A single word can brighten the face
of one who knows the value of words.
Ripened in silence, a single word
acquires a great energy for work.

War is cut short by a word,
and a word heals the wounds,
and there’s a word that changes
poison into butter and honey.

Let a word mature inside yourself.
Withhold the unripened thought.
Come and understand the kind of word
that reduces money and riches to dust.

Know when to speak a word
and when not to speak at all.
A single word turns the universe of hell
into eight paradises.

Follow the Way. Don’t be fooled
by what you already know. Be watchful.
Reflect before you speak.
A foolish mouth can brand your soul.

Yunus Emre

 

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Good morning! A quick hello to share our strawberry bounty with you. We planted a patch last year and boy howdy are we reaping the rewards. Each morning for the past two or three weeks (not sure, it’s a strawberry haze!) we pick a big handful like this. Super sweet and delicious!

I was a little worried that we would have more competition from our wild visitors, with near-ripe berries disappearing in the midnight hours early on. Apparently there are quite enough for us all now, with so many ripening at once.

Which reminds me, the opossum visited in broad daylight the other day. We saw her scrounging for fallen birdseed under the feeder and went outside to see. By the time we got there, she had hidden in the strawberry patch, and as she came out fiercely hissed at me, which was a surprise. Normally, we chat a minute before she saunters off. Then the hubster spied the reason, she had a baby clinging to her back! It was a wonder to witness that bit of adorableness. I gave her some space, and she darted for the shed, making funny noises to coax the baby into her pouch; because, as we discovered, opossums are marsupials. To think we probably wouldn’t have learned that had we not planted strawberries! Gosh, I really do love nature.

All Clear!

I love that there have been so many Atlantic poppies in the garden this year, that the seed heads are as lovely as the flowers, that there will likely be that many more this summer. Summer, who is super early or maybe just delivering the biggest Portland sneak peek I can ever recall. I also love that, while attempting to take this photo with my own hand, the hubster jumped in to offer his own. He’s cool like that.

Now, for my last endometriosis related post for a while. I had my final appointment with my specialist and was, ever so gratefully, given the all clear. No more waiting to exercise more vigorously than a walk. No more hollering for help whenever I need to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. No more waiting for a bath! I am a soak in the tub not sing in the shower kind of gal, and seven weeks of lathering while standing was frustrating and depressing. My systems are for lying down on the job: scrubbing, shaving, conditioning, letting the face mask dry. Boy is it good to be back.

But wait, there’s more! I guess I should have warned you first.

I am also going to tell you about my fab specialist, because everyone who does a fine job deserves a shout-out, I think. My former superstar endometriosis doctor left the business a couple of years after my surgery, but I was very lucky to find Dr. Brendan Carroll after learning about the DaVinci Robot (that’s even him using it!) and deciding I wanted someone to use it on me.

And for those who might do a double take at the thought of having a male doctor as a gynecological specialist, let me assure you that Dr. Carroll is the tops! Way better than the highly rated woman who treated me some seven years ago, before I got decent help. When I described my pain to her, how it felt like I was sitting on a railroad spike all the time, she replied, “You just need to learn to relax.” So, I went home, humiliated, thinking that it was in my head, when, as I would discover later, it was real and generated by my uterus being attached via adhesions to my bowel. Food for thought.

And what really sold me on Dr. Carroll was the fact that, when I mentioned my high tolerance for pain, he, in his kind voice, said, “But you don’t have to. We can make you feel better.” Gosh. I don’t have to be in pain. I don’t have to lie stoically on the sofa, not crying or uttering a word while my insides are yanked like taffy.

There is something curious about it, this sitting with pain. For me, it was not suffering, not quite. Yes, it hurt like the dickens. Oh bother, did it ever. But the reason it was not suffering, the reason for my high tolerance for it, that was in my head. Chronic pain cannot be escaped. There is no easy button or emergency hatch. It is there, morning, noon, night; bright, sunny days; through holidays (Christmas!) and vacations (France! New Mexico! New York City!). A permanent resident. So, I realized that I had a choice. I could be that gloomy and sad woman who wouldn’t let a single soul forget she is always in pain, or I could be me: silly, quick to laughter, adventurous, gregarious, slightly mischievous and unpredictable. Me, immensely more fun, hilarious even. I chose me. I like her best. More food for thought.

Sometimes I wonder about that, too, whether if I cried it would have taken so long to get my diagnosis. Someone so kindly and cheerful cannot possibly be in the pain she’s describing. A person must be doubled over and weeping, maybe with a side of histrionics. It’s not like I was asking for drugs, either. Save the ibuprofen I swallowed in massive doses from time to time (usually to little or no result), I was weary of them, what they would do do my already precarious health.

So, thank you Dr. Carroll, for being the kind of doctor who recognizes pain, even if the patient is laughing through it. You do great work!

 

 

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