Exploring

You are currently browsing the archive for the Exploring category.

Sunrise

This weekend, while sewing away on a quilt, I listened to Pema Chodron. It is something I like to do, a sort of movement meditation, my fingers cutting, pinning, and stitching her words into my very own mental quilt. One that will warm, comfort, and protect. Something beautiful and flawed, too.

She was talking about a time in her life where she felt a kind of anxiety and terror without a storyline, and no matter what she did or thought, it stayed with her, this heavy presence. Then she spoke to her teacher about it, and he came to recognize it as the Dakini Bliss, where it had seemed like such a burden to Pema. She made it bad, and upon the realization and her desire to actually sit with it and feel it as bliss, it went away.

I have had a similar anxiety for the past few weeks, also without a storyline, also something that I have demonized. Then I heard Pema’s words and realized that it doesn’t have to be a burden or an indication of yet another of my failings. What if I allow myself to be curious, lean into it, as Pema says, not label it, and see what happens? What if I just let it be and not relinquish my power and self esteem to it? What if I let it be bliss?

At that moment something opened in me, and I laughed, an exquisite rain of gratitude falling over me, tender and warm. I’m okay and whatever I am feeling is, too. It might even be bliss!

Tags:

Greetings from Lan Su Chinese Garden and our latest visit from my dear friend Rob. Despite the cold and the wet, it was a lovely day. And with hardly a soul about, the garden was so quiet and alive. In between the hush, I heard our every footstep and a myriad of drips and drops, from the sky, leaves, and eaves, the quietest of symphonies on the air.

We warmed ourselves in the tea house and listened to a man playing what I believe is the guqin, the music so quintessentially Chinese and lovely to the ear.

I’ve just realized that my longest lasting love affair is with nature, our first mirror, the creator of budding flowers, clinging rain drops, and glistening bark. She fills my life with such wonder and awe.

And then there is neon, bright light of my soul.

Dear sad Schwinn, people can be so unkind sometimes.

Our happy trio.

Burnside!

Fremont!

Love of my life…

Belmont!

Dick’s Kitchen – shakes and burgers (the portobello!) and the best of friends and fries.

The sticker is WAAAY cooler than the website.

Rob goes for a spare.

Worst bowl of my life.

But one of the most fun-filled!

 The Quiet Surprise in action.

Back seat driver.

Tags: , ,

 

“Who Knows Where the Time Goes,” do you know this song? My favorite version is sung by Nina Simone. It is live, and she waxes philosophical about time at the beginning. My goodness, is it ever a marvelous bit of sweetness, the variety that makes a person heavy and light at the same time, realizing how little time we really have, but so happy for every moment. It also features prominently in one of my favorite fil-ums The Dancer Upstairs, a great political thriller with the uber-handsome and talented Javier Bardem, directed by John Malkovich.

Who really does know where the time goes? I sure don’t. Hence this hodge podge of a post, dear reader. How are you, anyway? Well, I hope, settling into 2013. I am chilly, even with a blanket on my lap, but that is just the way of it at this time of year.

And to the photos, this first section is Sellwood, a walk we took a couple weeks back. That top one is a Portland Bubbler, drinking fountains placed here and there around the city, not to be confused with the original Benson Bubblers located downtown. It’s hard to pass one by without taking a sip.

I can’t tell you how many times we’ve driven past the Maple Leaf Restaurant, hundreds, at least, over the course of fourteen years, yet the week after Christmas was the first time we’d ever actually eaten there. Corrupted by the less than stellar opinion of our former mail man, Karl (Hello!), we were kind of afraid of it, despite the cool neon sign, and the fact that it is a diner.

I love diners and diner food. To be honest, I just love food, though I do have standards (I scraped the fake whipped cream right off my red jello). Thankfully, my on a whim decision to eat there, as a means to delay cleaning the carpet upstairs (fun!), did not leave me disappointed. The hubster enjoyed a chicken fried steak, and my fried chicken was like a delicious slice of my childhood, eating at the Wishbone with my Grandma Frances. She’s been gone ten years now, but I am certain I could hear her hmm-ing and smell the faint perfume of Aqua Net and spearmint gum.

And to this weekend. Friday, the hubster and I had a little date night. He took the bus and met me at one of our favorite places, Evoe. It was just as we like it, a long stretch with us being the only diners and thoroughly chatting up Kevin and Garrett, some of the nicest men you could meet, anywhere. I suppose we are on a little bit of a meat bender because the hubster devoured the Little Bo Peep and I did not go for my usual Gallego, but the Croque Madame because it is warm and gooey.

We followed our fine meal with a fil-um at the Laurelhurst, one that is on the top lists of just about every critic, but left me and the hubster bored. He nearly fell asleep, and the fact that I actually went through the effort of taking my camera out in the middle definitely speaks to my lack of engagement, but what a great shot! We were not alone in our assessment, either. Two other people actually left the theater. I considered it, but thought that the end might be when it all came together, and I’d regret my decision. Oh well.

Then a visit from a fine feathered friend. The yard was sooo quiet, everyone hiding from that sharp beak and talons!

 

Tags: , ,

Happy Monday from our Sunday afternoon walk. The sun gleaming bright enough for movie star sunglasses, with me gasping at the hubster in his aviators. You’d think, after nearly twenty-two years together, that I wouldn’t be caught off-guard by his handsomeness, but there we were, in the middle of Tibbets, and shazam, I am seeing him again, for the first time.

We tramped on bits of the frosted and decayed, under a dazzling canopy of blue. The kind of walk where the body never warms, never yearns to shed scarves and gloves, but is happy nonetheless, for all that delights the senses.

Like a gorilla hood ornament! Attached with what appears to be Gorilla Glue!

A Little Free Library, from which we borrowed no books, but I did partake of a pepper-minty candy cane.

Our favorite Salmon on Salmon, looking as good as ever.

A mysterious mechanical room, humming, thrumming, and whirring.

Giant and tiny leaves.

A reminder of how small we are.

 A sweet garden gate.

For some reason, the theme to The Odd Couple ran amok in our minds, with one or both of us humming at intervals, and me doing a little skippity-skip in time. I suppose it all makes sense, in the end.

Home again…

Tags:

I am always dazzled by coincidence, the latest being Frankenstein, so very much of him, here, there, everywhere. We watched a fantastic Spanish fil-um called The Spirit of the Beehive a few weeks ago. I won’t say much about it, save that it is well worth your time. Gorgeous and on the sad side, with windswept, honey-laden landscapes, and the appearance of Frankenstein, first via a mobile cinema and then metaphor (a writer’s dream!).  I was especially struck by the mobile cinema itself. It just seemed so quaint and special, nearly the whole town bringing their chairs to the meeting hall to watch a movie.

Frankenstein made a second appearance when I saw a picture hanging while out and about. The third happened when I realized that Boris Karloff was the narrator and The Grinch in How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Finally, on Friday, Lori and I went holiday shopping, complete with breakfast fortification. A plate of biscuits with mushroom gravy made me ever so happy. What did not make me happy was our very handsome server mistakenly giving me a cup of caffeinated coffee. I only drank half of it, but it revved my engines for nearly the whole of the day. Poor Lori and the hubster witness to the madness that is Colleen hepped up on stimulants, yippity-yapping practically non-stop, complete with wacky non sequiturs and me absolutely giddy to see a most exquisite Boris Karloff as Frankenstein tattoo on the forearm of the aforementioned caffeine server. I asked him if I could touch it, and he obliged, “It’s only skin.” Very smooth is all I can say about that. Frankenstein!

As for the photos, this is Friday night, mostly post-caffeine madness. The band is Califone (currently listening to Roots & Crowns) and they played a stellar show at Mississippi Studios. What struck me most was the economy of the players, for such a still stage presence (everyone seated the entire time, rocking, strumming, singing, and drumming), they make a lot of sound. A wildness to it, earthy and playful, too. We talked music (Radiohead, Motley Crue, and the Scorpions) with the nice bartenders at Bar Bar pre-show, the hubster enjoying some Guinness and me finally coming down from the caffeine with whiskey, sweet sigh.

But that was only Friday! On Saturday we walked, feeling cabin feverish even after a late night night out. Sometimes there is no explaining the soul’s stirrings. We headed to Division for a Little Big Burger. Have you tried their veggie version? Deep fried and delicious, my friends. We strolled further, buying matches at the hardware store and tea at Townshend’s, the Circulatory blend (such cold hands and feet!) for home and a coconut bubble for the road.

Fresh air and stretched legs gave me a kitchen itch. I scratched it good and proper, with yeasted pumpkin bread (recipe coming soon), walnut fudge, and biscochitos (Squirrel!). It was a Proustian time of reminiscing. Of Mom, singing along to Johnny Mathis. Of Daddy, sitting in the twinkle of tree lights. Of Maren, making squirrel shaped cookies for Valentine’s day. Of my grandparents, because it was Nana (my grandpa’s mom) who got us all eating biscochitos and her recipe I used. I made phone calls and left messages and spoke to Grandma, excited about the cookies and eager to wish her a happy birthday, too (ninety on Sunday). We caught up while Grandpa watched college football and the hubster made software magic.

What a hodgepodge of love, silliness, and sweetness, made and felt through my whole being, that I nipped into bed early and slept, heavy as a stone, no dreams remembered. This mad life I am living is just so good! I don’t know that I could love it any more earnestly, feel it more fully. Fresh air and the sweet scent of cedar, the squeak of guitar strings, a raindrop on my cheek, sun dancing on the pavement, the words of a loved one, the hubster’s lips on mine, one great cup spilling over and over again.

Tags: ,

« Older entries § Newer entries »