Learning

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1. Um, yes, I can spell, and, 2. This will make sense eventually.  I pondered a more silly title, like “brama,” but then thought the better of it.  People will come looking for a misspelled chicken (and a rather handsome one at that), the Hindu god, or think I’m some nut going for the Brangelina word play; bless their hearts and her bad acting, but it’s quite enough to see them on the cover of the tabloids standing in line at the supermarket, thank you very much.  So this title I could settle on, which also lets you know how much I think about such things.  It can be a whirlwind and an occasional maelstrom in this pretty little head.

Speaking of maelstroms, demolishing a bathroom is loud work.  Lath and plaster walls take quite a bit of force to remove, even when there are three fine young specimens of maleness wielding tools.  For two whole days, it was boom, boom, boom, boom,boom, boom.  It was overwhelming.  Then, during a nice stretch of quiet, while Leon the electrician was repairing some uber-shoddy work (done by a previous homeowner who fancied him/herself an electrician when idiot danger monger is closer to the truth), there was a boom so loud and fierce that it quite literally rattled my insides, followed by an equally profound silence.  My heart caught in my chest as I envisioned poor Leon lying dead in the next room.  Mercifully, he bellowed, “What the heck!  I did nothing!” a second or two later, and I could breathe a sigh of relief.  We dashed outside the house to find the source of the sound and heard the the postman holler, “It was a bird!” before seeing the body of a Starling lying motionless at the foot of the utility pole.  Somehow it managed to make just the “right” connection on the transformer, losing its young life and the block our power, for the next two hours.

The following day, when the hubster left for work, he tried to ease my mind after the previous day, and said, “Today will be quiet; they’re just digging a hole.”  It was true, a simple, two foot deep trench for our new water line (the other being eighty years old and in definite need of replacement) was in store.  But, as you’ve surely surmised from the title of the post, it was not meant to be.  I sat on the back porch, happily reading and enjoying the steady chirp of birds, when suddenly I heard a hissing sound, followed by the smell of rotten eggs that can mean only one thing.  I bolted out the gate to see our lone trench digger in a panic and my fear realized. The gas line had, indeed, been cut.  Five minutes later, the fire department arrived, sirens blaring, and I had the utterly surreal experience of watching these men put up caution tape, block off our street with three trucks, and enter my house in their full gear while being told I must remain at least fifty feet away.

I wandered a little, heart aflutter, informing the neighbors of what happened, and generally feeling strange.  I was neither afraid nor sad.  I think the right word might be detached.  It was hot, so I took shelter in the shade of my neighbor’s tree.  I admired the work of brave fire fighters and NW Natural employees.  I admired my house.  I appreciated seeing it from a different angle.   It’s funny how little we step away from our homes and see them as others do.  I thought it looked nice: the paint color, the red roof (of course), the myriad plants and trees dug into the ground by myself and the hubster.  That is our home.  I can’t go in it now, but it’s okay.  Everything will be fine.  The right people are here, helping.  Then my eye drifted to the chimney, and I saw the subject of the pictures.

Bees.  A single mass of individual energy, a gentle expansion and contraction of wings and bodies.  I felt so lucky and blessed to know they chose our house, eager to see them up close.  And so I did.  Once all the danger had passed, and the fire fighters waved their final goodbyes, I came to a spot and watched my beloved bee friends.  They came and went in an endless stream, their humming bodies maintaining the same general pattern, yet moving enough to reveal the evidence of habitation.  They had made comb. Though I am a bee lover, and would one day like to have my own hive, I knew that the side of my house would not make a suitable home over the long haul.  I made the proper inquiries to the Xerces Society and the Oregon State Beekeepers Association, and the following morning Pavel and Ivan arrived at our door.  Pavel is sixteen and an avid, however nascent, beekeeper, and our hive his ninth rescue.  Ivan is his father and serves as driver and helper.

Pavel made quick work of removing the hive from the eave, but, rather unfortunately, since the bees were so happily ensconced, (they’d probably been there for a month – I had heard them, thinking them something else, but never saw them), there was so much honey that it was rather messy, and the queen got lost in the shuffle.  During the time that Pavel and Ivan searched for the queen and we all hoped she was, indeed, alive, there was much learning and cleaning.  Learning about the intricacies of a hive and beekeeping in general.  Cleaning honey and comb, gently scraping up drenched bees and getting them near their sisters to be cleaned by them (such tenderness).   Oh, and there was a little bit of eating, too.  I took a small piece of honey-filled comb, and we enjoyed it over the next couple of days.  It was light, nearly clear, and the best I’d ever tasted.  A lovely reminder that though life sometimes brings drama in the form booms and frights, it is ultimately sweet like honey.

So, I’ve been in a bit of a funk these past few months, mostly depressed with a chance of mild gloom and occasional laughter and smiles.  There have been ample examples of feeling the sadness switch come on a hair’s breadth after a moment of sincere joy, bursting into tears in public for no good reason, and spending long spans with my eyes squeezed shut against the world.

Some of it is a sincere longing for accomplishment in my life.  I want my novel published!  I want to contribute financially to our household without doing crap work I don’t like.  Is this ever going to happen?  Anyone?  The rest, I blame on genetics, as the melancholia, like the Force in Luke Skywalker, is strong in me.  Thankfully, it is at its menacing worst only every few years, but dang, when it is here, it’s H-E-R-E, no matter what I do.  Just in case you’re wondering about medication to get me through, no thanks.  I’ve been down that road, and it was pretty awful.  The side effects distracted me from my sorry mental state, to be sure, but certainly were not worth it.  I lost hair, felt sick to my stomach much of the time, saw spots in my eyes, felt like I was on a merry-go-round every time I sat down, not to mention the literal and rather unpleasant taste in my mouth.  It took my liver years to recover, and that, mind you, was before my fondness for whiskey!

Now, for a bit of cage rattling (like not posting a spotlight today – they’ll come when they come) and my friend Camus.  I got to thinking about myself as Sisyphus and my gloom the rock.  It should be punishment, right?  The rock is heavy and burdensome and only comes rolling back down.  But what if, like Camus, I didn’t see it as a burden but a struggle worthy of filling my heart?  That’s life, isn’t it?  It is my job to keep the rock going.  I can do it with appreciation and joy at being given another day to do it, or I can focus on poor little me pushing a fucking rock.  My choice.  I choose happiness, whatever version that may be.  A glimmer seen at a distance, a whole day of sunshine, or a fully belly laugh, I’ll take it.

I also choose to nourish myself with good habits.  Instead of beating myself up for being depressed (so helpful!), I’m really trying to just acknowledge its presence and keep moving forward.  Though the photo shows me about to indulge in a Beef Wellington (our delicious Christmas meal), I am eating healthier than ever – less sugar, less junk, more goodness.  As well, I am shaking it up physically.  The hubster and I are off to a big-band dance tonight (gotta love the Norse Hall), and, as of Monday, I started the Yoga Journal 21-Day Challenge – practicing every single day.  I am eager to propel my body and mind to a new level of fitness, grace, and ease.  Who knows, maybe I’ll push that rock right over the top!

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Twangy, lofty, earthy, and ready to party.  It’s back to school!

“High on Your Love” –  Kings Go Forth

“California Stars” –  Billy Bragg and Wilco

“Ain’t Wastin’ Time No More” – The Allman Brothers

“What I Wouldn’t Do” – A Fine Frenzy

“Search Your Heart” – Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson

“Big Jet Plane” – Angus & Julia Stone

“I’mma Break it Down” – Eazy-E

“Une Annee Sans Lumiere” – Arcade Fire

“I Summon You” – Spoon

“Cornbread and Butterbeans” – Carolina Chocolate Drops

“Girls” – Beastie Boys (A little trivia – according to the Oxford English Dictionary, they have the first recorded use of the word “mullet!”)

“A Pillow of Winds” – Pink Floyd

“Sigh No More” – Mumford & Sons

“So Far Away” – Carol King

“Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?”  – She and Him

“Rien de Rien” – Osi

“Love Street” – The Doors

“Dead Flowers” – The Rolling Stones

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Well hello there friends –

I am not about to beat around the bush on this one, no way, no how.  What do you think?  Do you like it? I hope so, because I really, really do.

After all of that writing about it, I decided that if I am a Writer (notice me embracing that capital W), I better start acting like one.  Step one, business cards.  Super duper lovely and ever-so-Colleen style business cards.  Many, many thanks to Marty of Bartleby’s Letterpress Emporium (how perfect that the shop shares the name, though certainly not the demeanor of one of my favorite literary figures, too).  Ever so kind, patient (if you hadn’t noticed, I am a bit fussy), and supportive, not to mention her phenomenal talent with a letterpress brought this girl to tears, even though I promised her I wouldn’t.  Not a bad promise to break, if one must, after all.  They turned out exactly how I imagined they would:  the heavy cotton, that beautiful texture, our our humble red roofed abode (drawn by me).  They are perfect.  By the by, if you live here in Stumptown and love fine paper goods, do pay her a visit.  Her printed cards are exquisite, really.  The shop is just a charming place to wander, too.

Okay, getting to the second step now, full speed ahead.  I will also be attending the Willamette Writers Conference in August where I hope to wow someone into representing me.  So, for the next month, I will be polishing  my manuscript, honing my elevator speech, typing up dazzling query letters, and generally believing that I can do this.  You know what the wonderful part is?  I am not afraid.  I am ready.  I am worthy.  I am talented.  I am a good writer and a terrific person.  Why wouldn’t someone want to represent me?  Okay, I just ventured into Jack Handey territory, but that’s okay too.  I am among friends!

So, a start.  I hope you will join me on my journey.

Two bits of deliciousness for you this morning, pizza and cake.  I read an article on pizza in one of the fancy food magazines.  It was rather long and somewhat interesting and highlighted a small town back east that has two very famous pizza joints that have been there a terribly long time.  I guess there is quite an either/or dichotomy going on.  You aren’t, apparently, allowed to like the pizza at both places.  I have to say that I abhor (strong word, I know) rules like this.  I don’t like being told whether or not I should have certain feelings.  This is not up to other people.  It is up to me.  Anyway, as I was reading, I had this rather cinematic a-ha moment.  She and Him was playing in the background and I swear Zooey Deschanel hit a high note when I read this sentence: Let the pizza dough rise for twenty-four hours.

I don’t know how many of you make your own thin crust pizza and wondered why it just isn’t as good as those places in the article, or for the hubster and I, Lombardi’s in Manhattan, and Grimaldi’s at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge.  I am savvy in the kitchen, but ever since taking a bite of that gooey, chewy deliciousness on an idyllic summer day, I was pretty stumped.  The crust never tasted as good as theirs, never had that wonderful texture.  Then that sentence jumped off the page, and I had it.  The secret wasn’t in the yeast or the flour or the water.  It was all about time.  Give it time. So, the day before you want your pizza, make your favorite dough.  Punch it down the next morning and let it rise again, until the oven is smoking hot (we put ours at 500) and your ingredients are ready.  Then wait for the magic moment when you slide that bad boy out of the oven and you take your first bite.  Heaven.

Though we didn’t follow our pizza with dessert – we were too full of cheese for that, I am following my thoughts on it with this delicious upside down cake.  There is a restaurant in town, which shall remain nameless, that actually has the gall to put instant butterscotch pudding as the brown sugar and butter layer.  Words cannot describe the horror of my first bite.  This is not cake; it is a travesty.  This recipe is the real deal, and, to be honest, it is probably easier and cheaper than buying that instant stuff, seriously.  You can make it with pineapple, peaches, apricots, nectarines, plums, or apples.  It’s really hard to go wrong.

Fruity Upside Down Cake

adapted from the Better Homes and Gardens Cook Book, 75th Anniversary Edition

2 tablespoons butter

1/3 cup brown sugar

1 tablespoon water

Enough fruit to cover the bottom of the pan – I used two sliced nectarines and three maraschino cherries

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1/2 cup all purpose flour

1/3 cup sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

2/3 cup milk

1/4 cup butter, grated with the small holes of a cheese grater

1 egg, beaten

1 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat oven to 350.  Melt two tablespoons of butter and 1/3 cup brown sugar in a small saucepan.  Add the water and stir until combined.  Pour into an ungreased 8″ square pan. Carefully arrange your fruit in a pretty pattern over the syrup.

In a medium mixing bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, and baking powder.  Add the milk, butter, egg, and vanilla.  Stir until combined.  Spoon the batter over the fruit in the prepared pan.

Bake for 30-35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.  Cool for five minutes.  Run a knife around the edge of the pan to loosen, and invert onto a plate.  This is best served warm.

Enjoy!

p.s.

When I called the hubster down to have some cake, he said, “Wow!  That’s pretty.  Did you take a picture?”  This coming from the guy who likes to tease, “Um can I eat, or do I have to wait for the camera?”

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